The Secret

26

Waking up to see Jax laid beside you did make you smile, you don't know how long he had been laying next to you but he was here.

"Hey sleepy" He whispered brushing some hair out of your face.

"Hey" You mumbled. "I think we need to talk things out"

There was so many feelings and thoughts you had kept bottled up for so long and you didn't know how long you could keep the lid on them before you blew.

"Yeah we do" Jax whispered "What is going on in that pretty little head of yours"

"A lot of things really" You half laughed staring at the ceiling, "Last night made me realise this won't work without communication."

"I am not proud of how I handled the situation last night, I should have followed you even if you would have punched me, and we should have dealt with this last night" He whispered rolling onto his side to face you.

"Jax I know loving you isn't pretty" You sighed "I knew that when I came home, I knew that when we was together when we was kids yet I am prepared to take the messy, I know you created a reputation when I left and I don't blame you but I am so insecure, about myself, our relationship"

"I didn't know you was insecure about us baby" He sighed.

"I have been ever since we got back together, there are so many amazing women that hang around the club and some of the crow eaters are stunning and I'm just, well I'm just me and it scared the shit out of me when I see them pretty much fighting to get your attention. It just makes me feel so small" You whispered with tears in your eyes.

"But I only have eyes for you"He whispered running his fingers over your cheek.

"I think this stems from when I caught you in bed with a crow eater and then last night with Tara coming in spouting about being pregnant just set fire to the insecurity blowing it up" You cried "I feel I am not good enough for you and I don't think I ever will be, these insecurities don't just go away"

A sigh left Jax's lips as he pulled you into his chest, holding you tight.

"Baby I know shit like that doesn't just go away, but I want you to know that since you came back into my life, everything is about you, you are the first thought of the day and you never actually leave my thoughts and that could get me killed because I am always thinking what you are doing and if you are okay" He whispered kissing the top of your head "I love that you are different to the other girls here, I love that you don't take my shit and don't submit to me when I tell you an order like they do, you stand your ground and aren't afraid to put me in my place. You are the one that has given me a beautiful angel and a handsome son"

You didn't say anything, you just slipped your hand under his shirt gently stroking his skin.

"I know I have been a shit fiancée, especially with it being your birthday and I wasn't here to make sure you felt loved and was okay" He sighed "I know I am a fuck up, and I cannot apologise enough for that, but I need you to know I only have eyes for you, you are my Leigh, my partner in crime, my everything and I promise I will make things up to you"

"And at the end of the day who's initials do I have tattooed around the base of my cock" He laughed trying to lighten the mood.

"Mine" You sniffled looking up at him.

"Exactly baby, your initials, not Tara's, not some crow eaters, yours" He smiled wiping away the tears. "I'm not expecting you to forgive me straight away, I am not that stupid but can we please put your ring back where it belongs and we can take things a day at a time"

Sighing you looked into his blue eyes that had tears threatening to fall, and a lot of emotion behind them.

A small smile played on your lips as you held your left hand out.

"Gimme my ring back" You laughed softly.

Once your ring was back in its rightful place there was a knock on the door followed by Opie stood in the door frame.

"You two good now?" He asked.

"We will be" You nodded. "god I need to get high right now"

"Good thing you said that" Opie laughed "Follow me little sister"

Clambering out of bed, you waited for Jax to get dressed before the 3 of you headed back into the bar.

Instantly tears was threatening to fall as you looked around the room, in the matter of hours they had filled the room with balloons and banners.

"Guys" You whispered leaning into Jax for support.

"We know today has been shit so far and we know you are struggling so we thought we would do something to cheer you up and remind you that you still have us lot in your corner" Opie grinned.

"I don't see any cake though" You laughed.

The next thing you knew Bobby and Juice walked in carrying the biggest cake ever.

"Can't have a birthday without Cake" Bobby winked placing it on the table.

Looking over the frosted goodness you rolled your eyes at the picture they had got printed on it. It was the picture from your 18th birthday, you was hugging the toilet in the club house for dear life after drinking far too much, you wasn't even looking at the camera but you had your middle finger stuck up.

"Out of all the pictures you could have picked, you picked this one" You laughed "You absolute cunts"