Something New

Chapter 7

All morning I have been doubting. Do I go? Do I not go? When I met Jason, I didn't think there would ever be a chance that we would be friends. Now, it seems like he is the only friend I have, besides Hailey. It would be good for him to make some new friends, and the bonfire might be the way to do so. I would be selfish to make my problem his problem. Besides, I think he will go to the party with or without me. I promised Hailey that I would sure Jason will not forget about her. So, letting him get ambushed by a bunch of drunk high school girls would not win me the best-friend-of-the-year award. At the same time Hailey doesn't even like him as much as she thinks she does. Jason will go to the party anyway. And I practically have "judge me" written on my forehead. Do I go? Do I not go? That is the question. I know how Hailey would make the choice. She would close her eyes, take her mind off of things, count down from 5 to 1, and blur out what she is feeling at that moment. So, that is what I am going to do. If it helps her, why wouldn't it help me. Right? I close my eyes. Try to take my mind off of things.

'5,4,3,2,1.' I count down. 'I'm going.' I surprise myself with my answer, but somehow, I also feel relieved.

All afternoon I have been trying to figure out what to wear. Now that I have chosen to go to the bonfire tonight, I will need the perfect outfit, so I feel confident and maybe disappear a little. What is appropriate for dinner with Jason and his mother, and the party? I know for sure that I don't want to go all out for the party, like I did before. Decent will be the way to go. But I also don't want to look like a nun. Normally, I would call Hailey when I need emergency fashion advice. But she has been missing out on some big moments in my life lately and I don't want to make her feel worse than she already does about it.

It is warm outside, so I can scrap long sleeves or pants of my list of what to wear. I always have something to wear! Why does it have to be so difficult this time? I see mom walking up the stairs with a laundry basket.

'Hey mom?' I call for her. 'Is there any clothing of mine in that basket perhaps?' I ask.

'Yes, actually there is.' She says with a smile. She puts the basket down on the floor and starts searching. She takes out a black romper and lays it down on top of my dresser. It is simple, yet so elegant. The fabric is stiff, it feels expensive. It is perfect, but it isn't mine.

'But that's not mine, mom.' I say.

'Yes, it is.' Mom says with a smirk.

'What do you mean? I have never seen this before.'

'I was out in town, when I walked by the store and saw the mannequin wear it. It made me think of you. You have gone through so much these last months. I thought you deserved something nice.' Mom explains. 'Do you like it?'

'Are you kidding me? Mom, it is beautiful! Thank you so much! I love it!' I give her a big hug. 'I'll wear it tonight.' With some simple accessories this will look great. This might be my favorite piece that I own.

I look at my feet and bite the corner of my lip. 'Mom? Is it okay if I go to the bonfire tonight?' I ask.

'Are you sure you are ready?' She sounds worried.

'No,' I admit. 'but will I ever be ready? I have to go back to school in less than two weeks. So why not go back into society now? At least everyone will be drunk tonight.' I don't know who I am trying to convince, mom or myself?

'Okay.' She says doubtful. 'Is Jason going with you?'

'Yes, he is. He actually invited me to go with him.' I tell her.

'That is nice of him.' She implies.

I sigh. 'He invited Hailey, but then Italy happened. So, he asked me instead.' I explain.