Is it all a dream? (Completed)

Focus

"Lui, Please understand now, you know how you feel about yourself.. To be more precise you don't feel for yourself anything otherwise this place represents your feelings. What you had really focused on was the outer appearance, not the inner feelings, if not then what about this place?
Let me remind that you cannot lie to yourself." The voice spoke in a note.

"I-Uh I don't know what to say, I don't know what to think. It's not that I'm lying I just simply.." After a pause, I continued. "I just simply wanted to forget every bad moment."

"That's where you missed it, Lui..."

"What you mean?" I asked while being more confused because I was talking to a voice which I didn't know that it had somewhere existed in my mind.

"Lui, you wanted to run away.
You wanted either if only time would flow slowly or if time would flow so fast that you don't have to feel anything. But you have to know that there is no 'only if' in life."

This sentence triggered me, yes I would be lying if I say that this sentence was false. After all this time I felt nothing, no emotions at all excluding fear but now I was in a state of being insecure. Yes, I didn't care about myself. Only I wanted to do is just to feel fake happiness, not gonna lie but it was truly a tiring work. I never wanted to accept that I was sad. I was so lazy to tell anyone, I didn't want my parents to worry about me because I know everything will be fine when the time is right.
But little I knew that it was already too much for me.

Now I understand ... This is not reality this is false. Everything here is false, only this room represents my heart, my mind.. the way it is gigantic and the way its antique.
Oh my goodness all my life I have been neglecting this room / heart. But now after all.. my soul couldn't let me continue this. So it all this is a set up, everything thing is illustrations.

How stupid I am to think that I deserve to stay here while this is all fake.

How foolish of me..

The thing I got to understand is
Being outside, in reality still I can help to clean this dust of my room/heart.
I can pamper still being outside while staying in reality. I'm sorry my soul, my body, my mind, my heart..

But the thing is what will I do now?..

"Hello? where are you? How can i return back?" I screamed to infinity...

There was no one.. no voice other than the sound of my sobbing..
I was crying I felt bad..
And sad too.

'It's so hilarious, before I wanted to run way from reality and now-" I deeply cried... I cried my giving all my heart ..