☔︎ sam ☔︎
"is he nice?" my mom asked over the phone.
"yeah, he's really nice," i giggled, clearly talking about colby. why else would i be smiling like an idiot?
"that's great, darling! i don't think you realise how happy it makes me that you're happy there. maybe it's best if you stay, as much as it hurts me. then you're away from shitty kansas and all of the idiots here," she sighed, her tone sad.
"no, never in a million years. i'm coming back to you soon." i rushed my words, the thought of not going back practically crushing me.
"maybe just for a visit? i know you want to come back to me, but you seem so much happier at that school. and i know it's only been a day, and maybe things will change, but for now i'm putting off getting custody. i can still see you, of course, you just won't live with me, that's all," she explained, and i felt tears welling in my eyes.
"... so you don't want me there?" i asked, my voice wavering in the air.
"no, of course i want you here, it's just-" she started, but i could tell she was lying. she had to be.
"then why won't you let me come back?" i started sobbing, trying to keep them muffled.
"oh, darling, please don't cry. you know i hate it when you cry. that's not at all what i meant. you can come visit during school breaks, it'll be ok. and if things get super bad, you're welcome here, but right now everything is ok, and you don't need to be here," she said, making me cry even more.
you dont need to be here.
she just doesn't want you there.
i cried, just ending the phone call and clutching my pillow, sobbing into it with tears streaming down my face.
"why am i not wanted anywhere?"
☔︎
"sam, come down here," i heard my dad yell, stopping me from unpacking everything into my closet. i sighed loudly and made my way downstairs, seeing my dad sat on the sofa with the same guy he unpacked with the other day - joe.
"come sit with us, have a beer," he chuckled, holding out a bottle for me to take. what in the world was he doing?
"no, thank you. i'm busy," i muttered, going to make my way back upstairs.
"ah, ah. you can do that later. come spend some time with us?" he chuckled, grabbing my wrist tightly. my bandaged wrist. i held in a wince, his hands over the cloth of my hoodie.
"f-fine, whatever," i gasped, pleading for him to let go of my cuts, feeling the pain shoot through my wrist.
"atta boy," he grinned, shuffling over to one side of the sofa with a chuckle. i smiled awkwardly, taking the beer that he was passing me and grabbing the bottle opener and sitting down.
"you sure you know how to use that, pal?" joe chuckled and i smiled sarcastically.
"of course i know how to use it, i'm not a fucking idiot," i snapped, dropping the grin. i opened the bottle with ease, earning a hum of surprise from both of the males sat next to me.
"nice to know you two believe in me," i rolled my eyes, taking a swig from the glass bottle. i thought beer was utterly fucking disgusting, but i liked it when i was tipsy. i felt loose, and i didn't overthink everything. just mindless nonsense. especially after earlier, all i really wanted to do was get completely drunk, but i knew i wasn't gonna be able to. especially with my dad there.
"you're not as soft as you seem," joe chuckled, finishing the bottle he was drinking. i raised my eyebrows as a response, dropping them a moment after and continuing to drink.
"he's more stubborn than soft," my dad laughed, clearly finding himself very funny.
"wow, really amusing, dad," i sighed, pulling my phone out of my pocket. i swear, that was all i ever did at this point. well, it's not like i had anything better to do. i didn't like my dad or his friend, so i wasn't planning on talking to them.
"have you spoken to your mother today?" he asked, looking over my shoulder at my phone.
"of course i have," i sighed, turning to one side so he couldn't see my phone.
"what did she say? did she say anything about you going home, or not being able to?" he asked, joe giving him somewhat of a knowing look.
"you're such an ass. you told her to tell me i couldn't go back, didn't you?" i scoffed, standing up again.
"sam, i can expl-" he started, holding my bandaged wrist again.
"get off me," i spat, pulling my wrist away and screaming inside at the pain and taking my drink, heading back upstairs.
he had to fuck up everything, didn't he?
★
"you can touch every star in the sky it'll take away your hurt"
ok get in bitches we're going to space
