☔︎ sam ☔︎
i jolted awake with a gasp, sweating profusely and breathing heavily. i could feel his hands on me, all over my body, touching everywhere they shouldn't. it hurt to move, but i couldn't stop myself from writhing about, trying to get the feeling of his hands off of me.
"sam, baby, stay still," i heard colby's familiar voice groan, his arm over me and holding me tightly. i whined and continued to move, just wanting to curl into his arms and disappear, but i could only feel joe's hands on me, even though i knew it was colby's on me. i felt tears forming in my eyes as everything overwhelmed me, my breathing increasing still.
"are you ok? sam?" he asked, moving his hands from holding me to holding himself up, one on the side of my face. i shook my head, heavy sobs escaping my lips before i could stop them.
"i'm gonna need you to try and breathe slowly for me, ok? can you do that?" he asked with a yawn, sitting up and acting quickly. i tried my hardest, i really did, but it just wouldn't work.
"i'm- sorry," i choked out, feeling him pull me up onto his lap and wrap his arms around me.
"it's ok, it'll be over soon. you're safe with me," he soothed, kissing my forehead gently before holding my head close to his chest, rubbing his thumb over my hair and the other hand up and down my back.
"listen to my heartbeat. focus on that," he mumbled, and i did as he said, listening to the steady thumping of his heart.
slowly, but surely, i calmed down; my breathing slowing, my loud, heavy sobs declining to soft hiccups, the nonexistent hands roaming my body disappearing. i felt so, so safe in his arms, and i never wanted to leave.
"are you ok?" he asked once again, and this time i could form words.
"o-only thanks to you," i spoke quietly, keeping my head against his chest as he continued to rub my back.
"what happened? are you ready to talk about it?" he asked, slowly laying down with me directly on top of him as i nodded.
"i could feel his hands a-all over me, and i wanted them off of me, b-but it wouldn't stop, and it got so overwhelming and i couldn't breathe," i explained, shaking my head slightly as i replayed the dream in my head.
"he's not going to hurt you, i promise. i'm not gonna let him," colby hummed as i moved over to the side of him so i could snuggle into him. i nodded and closed my eyes, my phone ringing as i did so.
"it's probably my dad. fuck, he's gonna kill me," i sighed, leaving it where it was until it stopped ringing. i then picked it up, seeing over twenty missed calls. oh fuck.
"you can't go back there, baby. god knows what he'll do to you," he mumbled, looking at my phone.
"i know, i'm not going to. why does bad shit have to follow me everywhere i go?" i sighed as i rang my dad back, putting it on speaker.
(s-sam d-dad)
d- why haven't you been answering my calls? where are you?
s- i was asleep, im sorry. i'm at c- robert's house.
d- why aren't you here?
s- something happened. i don't wanna talk to you about it, you won't get it.
d- just tell me. why are you being so problematic?
s- i literally just had a panic attack, stop fucking yelling at me.
d- you're lying, why would you have a 'panic attack' at two am? anyway, what happened?
s- i'm not telling you.
d- you have to tell me, i'm your father.
s- go and ask j-joe about it. he'll fucking tell you.
i put the phone down and wiped away tears i hadn't realised had fallen, colby pulling me closer to him.
"sorry," i sniffled, turning my phone off and putting it back where it was, mad at myself for crying again.
"you've got nothing to be sorry for. c'mon, let's go back to sleep. it'll be ok, i promise," he kissed my forehead, calming me down as he ran his fingers up and down my arm.
"thank you for dealing with me when i'm like this. i know i'm not easy to deal with, so i'm sorry if sometimes i can be overwhelming," i sighed, my eyes closed as i nuzzled my head into his chest.
"it's what i'm here for, and you can't help it. please, please stop apologising for everything. you've done absolutely nothing wrong," he sighed himself, and i wanted to say sorry for constantly apologising. i nodded at what he said, too tired to respond.
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i literally cannot believe i'm saying this again, STOP TRYING TO CHANGE SOMEONES OPINION JUST BECAUSE THEY DONT HAVE THE SAME OPINION AS YOU.
i'm so fucking sick of people in this fandom, honestly, you're the toxic people the boys had to talk about. just shut the fuck up and keep ur toxicity to urselves
