Hopelessly Human

15. False Pretense

[The Man Who Would Be King]

EXT. PARK

Castiel spoke. "You know, I've... I've been here for a very long time. And I remember many things. I remember being at a shoreline, watching a little gray fish heave itself up on the beach and an older brother saying, "don't step on that fish, Castiel. Big plans for that fish." And I remember a little sister saying, "please don't hurt the fish." I remember the Tower of Babel... All 37 feet of it, which I suppose was impressive at the time. And when it fell, they howled 'divine wrath'. But come on - dried dung can only be stacked so high. I remember Cain and Abel... David and Goliath... Sodom and Gomorrah. And, of course, I remember the most remarkable event - remarkable because it never came to pass. It was averted by two boys, a girl, an old drunk, an orphan raised by his uncle, a fallen angel, and an archangel on their side. The grand story. And we ripped up the ending and the rules... And destiny... leaving nothing but freedom and choice. Which is all well and good, except... Well, what if I've made the wrong choice? How am I supposed to know? I'm getting ahead of myself. Let me tell you my story." He looked straightforward. "Let me tell you everything."

INT. IMPALA - NIGHT

"Hello, Dean. Hello, Natalia," Castiel greeted. "Are you two all right?"

"Yeah, I'm... I'm fine," Dean replied. "How are you?"

"I'm good," Natalia said.

"Just wanted to check in," Castiel told them.

"So, any word on, uh, Satan Jr. being alive?"

"I'm... looking, believe me. I just don't understand how Crowley could've tricked me."

"Well, he's a tricky son of a bitch, that's how. Doesn't matter. But if he is up and kicking, then what does matter is finding him, ripping his head off, and shoving it up his ass."

"What about you two? Have you two found anything?"

"No, nothing yet," Natalia answered.

"Where's Sam and Dylan?"

"They're keeping busy," Dean replied. "They're tracking a Djinn in Omaha as we speak. In fact, we're heading out there right now to meet up with them."

"Well, I'd come if I could."

"Yeah, no, we-we get it. No worries. But, Cas, you'll call, right? If you get into real trouble?"

INT. CROWLEY'S LAB

Crowley examined Eve's corpse while a vampire was shackled nearby. "Howdy, partner."

"What have you found?" Castiel asked.

"I've found a lot of things. For example... Eve's brain? Dead as a tinned kipper. And yet..." Crowley reached inside Eve and pulled out a handful of eggs. "For some reason... She keeps laying eggs. Watch this." He took a poker and placed it on Eve's brain. The vampire seized violently. "Chocula here feels every tickle."

"What is that good for?"

"Apart from the obvious erotic value, you got me."

"You said Eve could open the door to Purgatory."

"Correct. I did. And I'm confident that she could have if she was alive! Single best chance to get over the rainbow, and the Winchesters killed her!"

"It was unavoidable."

"You screwed up, Cas. You let the hounds mangle the pheasant, and now I am up to my elbows in it."

"What is your point?"