Untouchable

Chapter 26

Harry's POV

Walking into rehearsal was, to say the least, a little awkward. Louis had a death grip on my hand and a death glare when he looked at Liam. Liam at least looked a bit sheepish. I doubted they had talked although I had seen on Louis' phone that Liam had been texting him.
Surprisingly, Louis dropped my hand and marched over to Liam, his jaw set.
"Alright. You've got a minute to apologize and that's it," Louis said, his voice hard.
Liam blinked.
"Time's ticking," Louis warned.
It spurred Liam into action and he started quickly, "Alright, listen Louis. You know I love you and I worry about you and I'm not trying to make excuses for myself because I know I was an absolute arse and what I said was really stupid. I'm really sorry and I swear that I wasn't meaning to make fun of who you are Louis, I'm totally okay with whatever you are or whatever, and I never meant to come across like I'm not. And I really am happy for you and Harry and you know I worry too much which is why I was such an arse about it but I think it's great if you're happy and-"
"Time," Louis said abrubtly, cutting Liam off.
Louis stood, his head tilted slightly as he considered Liam. His expression was careful and measured. I wasn't sure if Liam saw it, but Louis' mouth twitched as he fought back a smile and I knew he wasn't angry. He just wanted to play.
"Louis-"
"Shut up," Louis snapped, walking a circle around him.
It was almost amusing, how theatrical and cliche he was acting.
"So. What's going to happen next time you're a prick to me?" Louis asked.
"I don't know," Liam said, "You'll kick my arse?"
Louis shook his head.
"Wrong. There won't be a next time, got it Payne?" he said, his voice low and dangerous.
I couldn't help it, a small snort slipped out. Louis turned and narrowed his eyes at me and I quickly composed myself.
"Got it," Liam said, visibly trying to make himself smaller.
"Right," Louis said, nodding, "Come here, Harry."
I went and stood next to him. I put my hand on his lower back and he blinked up at me, his eyes softening for just a moment.
"I'm in love with him. He's in love with me. He's my boyfriend. I like to kiss him and hold his hand. You're going to have to get used to it," Louis said.
"Please no sex on the bus," Liam sighed.
Louis raised his eyebrows.
"That's not going to be a problem, Liam. You're talking about me," he snorted.
Liam looked sheepish.
"No...canoodling on the bus of any kind," he said.
Louis let out a sharp burst of laughter.
"Liam, did you seriously just say canoodling?" he asked, and he was smiling, apparently done with playing with Liam, "Shit, just come here."
I took my hand off of his back so he could hug Liam. It was nice, seeing them get along.
"You had me worried there for a moment," Liam said when they pulled away.
"Good," Louis said, his eyes glittering.
I was so in love with him.
Louis came back to stand next to me.
"So, by canoodling, do you mean this?" he asked, pulling me down so suddenly that I stumbled and almost knocked us over.
He kissed me hard, exaggerating for the show of it. I went along with it. I wasn't one to turn down a kiss from Louis.
"Alright, enough," Liam said, walking straight into us to break us apart.
Louis snapped his fingers in my face to stop me from staring at his mouth. It wasn't like I could help it; it was just so incredibly pretty, especially after he kissed me.
"And yes, that definetely counts as canoodling. If you don't want to see one of us doing something with somebody, we don't want to see you two doing it," Liam was saying.
"So, let's say murder," Louis said, his face so serious that I had to laugh.
"Depends on who you're murdering. There are a few people I could think of that I wouldn't mind " Liam answered.
Louis nodded.
"But I don't really think you'd murder anybody on the bus," Liam said thoughtfully, "There's not much room."
"They wouldn't have much room to get away or stuggle," Louis pointed out.
"True. And you could always beat them into submission with a guitar or something lying around," Liam said.
"This is sounding less and less hypothetical," Zayn said drily, "I think I'd rather see 'canoodling' than have to deal with a murder on our bus."
"Great," Louis said.
"That wasn't permission," Zayn said.
Louis rolled his eyes.
"Seriously, though, you're not going to have a problem," he said.
"You say that now," Liam said.
Louis' jaw tightened and his smile looked a little more forced. I knew he hated how uncomfortable he was with people touching him, and I tried to get him to see that it was okay, but I knew he couldn't believe me. He was damaged goods, he had said, whether or not I could see it.
"Yeah, I do," Louis said.
Liam must have recognized something in Louis' expression because he didn't push it anymore. He threw an arm around Louis' shoulders instead.
"Right, lads. So you've told management yet? Or not?" Niall asked.
We had, actually, the previous night. It had been terrifying. Louis had admitted it was almost as scary as telling his family.
Contrary to the popular belief in our fanbase, our management wasn't a group of power-hungry homophones. They were actually quite cooperative and listened to us, though we did at times wish we had a little more control.
They had been surprised, but they had accepted it. They had agreed with us when we had said we wanted to keep it quiet and advised us against coming out in the next few years while our fame was still at it's peak. They had also said that they wouldn't force us to have beards or seperate us. We had much more control than I had expected to.
We told the boys as much.
Like us, they looked surprised.
"That's great, then," Niall said, "So who're you going to tell next?"
Louis and I looked at each other.
We'd talked about it, to some extent, but we didn't really know.
"We think maybe telling the whole crew might be a little extensive. It's not safe, you know? Not that I don't trust them, but you can't be certain one of them won't out us. Not with that many people involved. Maybe the band, though," Louis said.
Liam nodded.
"We spend a lot of time with them, so," I said, "I don't want to always be hiding, you know? I don't want it to just be behind closed doors."
Louis hooked his chin over my shoulder. I tried not to laugh at the way he almost had to stretch to do so. He was tired. He hadn't gotten much sleep the night before. I knew it wasn't something to be really worried about, that he still had trouble sleeping sometimes and it was just a residual thing, but knowing he couldn't sleep made it hard for me to sleep.
"Have you guys thought about coming out?" Liam asked.
"Yeah. It's not something we want to do soon though," I said, reaching around behind me and grabbing Louis' hand.
I felt him try and hide a smile in my shoulder.
"You're disgusting," Niall said.
Apparently Louis wasn't as good as hiding as he thought.
"Better get used to it," Louis said.
That was the last he got out before the band started filtering in. I didn't let go of Louis' hand and I felt him tense up.
Surprisingly, nobody commented on it. I wondered just how obvious we had been. We got a few nods, I assumed of approval, but that was really all.
"Love you," I whispered in his ear.
He beamed.
***
It wasn't often that Louis had nightmares, not really, but he did, in any case. Sometimes they weren't too bad and he would just be a little quiet for the rest of the day. I usually knew when he had one without him telling me.
There were ones that were a lot worse, though. Ones where when I would finally get him to wake up, his eyes wouldn't focus and recognize me for long minutes before he would finally snap out of it.
I woke up from a hard elbow to my stomach. Cursing, I sat up and looked over to Louis. He wasn't thrashing like he sometimes did, but his fingers and legs twitched and his face was drawn up tightly.
"Lou?" I asked, gently shaking him, "Love, wake up."
He made a noise in the back of his throat and I shook him again.
"Louis," I said, a little more loudly, "Louis."
He kicked, hitting my thigh and I winced.
I could never know what kind of dream he was having, so it was always kind of a gamble. Sometimes it was about me, about him finding me, and sometimes it was about whatever bastard had hurt him. If it was about me, he would need me close whenever he woke up, and I usually took him downstairs and made him some tea to drink while we cuddled on a sofa.
If it wasn't about me, he'd wake up and get away from me as quickly as possible. He'd make his own tea, and he'd sleep in a guest room for the rest of the night, if he slept at all.
I shook him a third time and he woke up with a start, almost smacking me in the face.
It took him a moment to fully wake up, carefully focusing on me and sagging with relief when he saw that I was in fact, alive.
"Oh," he said dumbly, once he focused on me, "Sorry, was I keeping you awake? Sorry."
It was apparently okay for me to be around.
I snorted and shook my head.
"Come on, I'll make you a cuppa," I said.
He held on tight to my hand as I brought him downstairs and put the kettle on. I tried to turn away when I yawned, but he frowned when he noticed.
"You wanna talk about it?" I asked.
Louis shrugged.
"S' the same thing. You're there and you're dead," he said quietly.
"I hate when you have dreams like this," I said, gently rubbing his arm.
He tried for a smile, but it was strained. I had to turn around to take the kettle off and he followed me, pressing tightly against my side.
"I hate them too," he said, "I wish they'd stop."
"It's scary. Seeing you so scared," I said, "It sounds stupid but it's true."
I reached up into a cupboard and got him down a tea bag. He blinked in thanks.
"You can go back to bed. I'm good," Louis said.
We both knew he didn't really mean it. I didn't bother replying.
"C'mon," I said, grabbing his hand and pulling him out of the kitchen.
I flicked on some random show just for background noise and he tucked his feet up on the couch.
"You have no idea how terrifying it was. I thought you were dead. Like, there was so much blood and pills and I didn't even consider that you might be alive, you know? I was certain. You know, Eleanor figured it out after you left and she wanted me to call the lads immediatly and tell them about you leaving but I told her no and to wait and shit, if I hadn't done that, maybe you wouldn't have had time. And what if the boys had been one minute later and we hadn't gotten to you in time? It's always this little thought in the back of my head, like every time I look at you," Louis said quickly, his nose pressed against my shoulder.
His hand, like it sometimes was, was over my heart. He said sometimes that he liked to feel my heartbeat whenever he could. It made me want to cry.
"You've been through so much," I murmured.
It was half to myself, half to him.
"Yeah, well. Kind of deserve it," he sighed.
"God, I hate when you say things like that," I snapped, "It's not true."
Louis shrugged, but I could feel his guard coming up. I really didn't want to argue with him, so I bit my tongue.
"Do you want to have sex with me?" he asked suddenly.
"Why does this bother you so much?" I asked.
"Answer me," Louis snapped.
"Louis, it's not important," I sighed, "If I were in a relationship with anybody else, I probably wouldn't have had sex with them yet either. I'd wait a while, like we're doing."
"That's not an answer," he said, sitting up.
His jaw was clenched and his thumbs dug into his thighs.
"Even if you wanted to, I wouldn't, because I want to wait too," I said.
He shook his head.
"Why won't you answer me?" he asked.
"Because it doesn't matter, Louis!" I said.
"It does to me!" Louis said, his voice wavering, "Do you want to have sex with me?"
I sighed.
"Yes. Okay? Yes, I do," I said.
He looked at me. There was an explosion on the screen in front of us.
"You think about it ever?" he asked.
It was pointless to argue, so I shrugged.
"Sometimes," I said.
Louis nodded.
I had no idea why it mattered so much to him, the whole sex thing. I knew that he hated how uncomfortable he was with people touching him but I knew that even if he was okay with it, we wouldn't be having sex at that point anyways. I tried to understand though, because obviously it did bother him and I didn't like seeing him so insecure.
I tried to move closer, ready to cuddle. I expected the discussion to be over.
He held his hand up.
"What do you think about, then?" Louis asked.
I stopped.
"Louis, does it really-"
"I just want to know," he interrupted.
He fussed with his hair, a nervous habit that he had.
"Alright. If you want to know. I guess. I don't know. What do you mean, what do I think about?" I asked.
I was flustered, and I could see the tiniest of smiles on his face.
"Don't think I can get much clear, mate," he snorted, "What do you think about? About us. Or me. C'mon. I want to hear all of Harry Styles' dirty little thoughts."
I swallowed hard. His eyes glittered.
"Where is this all coming from?" I asked, "Just tell me that."
Louis looked away.
"Louis," I said.
He shook his head.
"Louis," I repeated.
"It wasn't a nightmare," he blurted.
Even with the dim light of the telly, I could see how red his face was.
I froze.
"Oh," I said.
"Yeah. Oh," Louis said, his voice mocking, "Was pretty fucking scary anyways."
"It's not anything to be ashamed of, Louis," I said gently.
"I'm not ashamed," he grumbled, "You know how it is. It's. Humiliating."
"I think about fingering you a lot," I said.
Louis stared at me, the defensiveness disappearing.
"Excuse me?" he asked.
"You wanted to know what I think about. I think about fingering you a lot," I said, trying to be nonchalant, "I think you'd love it when it's done right. I've thought about eating you out. That's a thing, you know. Not just girls. 'Course I think about actually fucking you too, I'm only human and you've got such a nice arse, so. But I think I'd like it facing you, so I could see your expressions. And then, you could fuck me too. I don't think I'd really care how you went about it. Even just the basics, really. Like sucking you off. See if I could have a go at deepthroating. I think it'd be fun."
"Christ," Louis said, "You kiss your mother with that mouth, Styles?"
His hands twitched.
I hoped I hadn't gone too far. I'd kept most of the detail out of it. I hadn't wanted to make him too uncomfortable.
"Only you," I said, and then, purely out of curiosity, "So, d'you think about me, then?"
Louis looked at me, eyes sharp.
"If you think I'm going to list all the things I'd like to do to you like you just did to me, you're sorely mistaken," he said.
"So that's a yes," I said.
He swatted me.
"I want to go back to bed," he said, flicking the screen off, "With or without you, you dirty teenager."
"I'm nineteen, Louis," I muttered.
"Teenager," he said flippantly, handing me his mug to deal with.
I darted into the kitchen to set it by the sink to clean at a later point.
Once we got ourselves situated in his bed, I could still feel how restless he was.
"Lou?" I asked, "About everything. You know I've probably had more dreams about you than you can imagine. Probably to the point where it's creepy. It's a normal thing. And I don't mean to sound like such a mum, but it's true. And I know you're not comfortable with it. I think, maybe it's progress, you know? You're always saying how you want to be what you think is normal and have 'normal' desires and be with me 'normally' and maybe this is just a step."
Louis nodded.
"I know," he said quietly, "And you do sound like such a mum."
"Since you had me talk about what I want, can I ask what it was about?" I asked.
Louis didn't immediatly dismiss the notion. I was surprised.
"Fuck," he said, rolling onto his back, "I feel so ridiculous right now. Talking about dirty dreams and how they're normal and healthy with my bloody boyfriend. I know they are. It's just so weird that I have to be told that. Used to dream about Eleanor all the time. I know it's not weird, it's just. The first one I've had with you, you know?"
I nodded.
Louis laughed, more out of nervousness than anything.
"Right. Don't really remember much. Um," he said, "Like this."
He grabbed my wrists and carefully manuevered me onto my back. He swung his leg over my waist and leaned down so his mouth was pressed against the shell of my ear.
"Don't remember what we were doing. Just that it was like this and. And it was good," he said quietly, his breath hot.
I shivered.
"Kiss?" I asked.
Louis snorted, but went along with it.
There were certain times where I hated that he didn't like being touched below his waist, and that was one of them. His hands were loose around my wrists, but I didn't try to move. I rather liked it.
I tried not to focus on the pressure of his body against mine, but it was difficult not to and we'd been talking about sex for a good fifteen minutes.
"Louis," I said, and he made a noncommittal noise, pressing a kiss to the side of my mouth, "Lou, I love you and all, but we're going to have a problem if you don't get off."
I felt rather than saw him smirk, laughing when he went to kiss me again.
"Really? You're pathetically easy," he said.
"Really," I said, "I'm so easy. But if you're not okay with that."
He frowned, thinking.
"We could do it like we did that one time," he said, "Like."
He shifted his weight a bit, and carefully rocked back. I twitched.
Louis nodded.
***
Louis was singing in the shower, loudly and fairly off-key for somebody that was a professional singer. I had a feeling he knew I was listening and was doing it for show.
I had breakfast waiting for him when he came downstairs. He kissed me his good morning and grinned when he saw his tea ready.
"You're wonderful," he said.
"I know," I replied.
He pinched my hip.
We ate quietly, his foot wrapped around my ankle.
"I need to go back to Felix's later," I said.
"S'alright. I was thinking about heading back to Donny, actually. Spend the last little while before the tour there, you know? I've been pretty shit to my family lately, with all this time off and not spending any of it with them," Louis said.
I nodded. Admittedly, I'd only seen my own for a few days.
"That's the first time you've mentioned that," I said.
Louis shrugged.
"Forgot, I guess," he said, "You could come down, maybe? Not for long. I know you'll want to be with yours and with Felix. But like a day. The girls love you and they've not seen you in ages."
"You just don't want to miss me," I teased.
Louis rolled his eyes, but he didn't deny it.
"Sounds great," I said, "I really haven't seen them."
"This time, I've got to introduce you as my boyfriend, don't I?" Louis asked, turning the loveliest shade of pink.
"I'd cry if you didn't," I said.
He laughed, his eyes crinkling at the corners, "The thing is, I believe it."
He sat on the counter when I cleared the dishes, kicking his feet against it and occasionally kicking me. Eventually I grabbed his foot and didn't let go until he surrendered.
"Do you want me to help you pack? Since I know you'll never do it yourself," I said.
"I'm not entirely incapable of everything!" he protested, but he nodded anyways and dragged me upstairs.
Him packing consisted of him throwing things at my head while I tried to find a suitcase for him.
"You're such a pest," I complained, trying to fold the clothes he threw at me.
It was useless. I knew that he would immediatly destroy the sense of order I was creating as soon as he opened the suitcase again, but it didn't really matter.
"You love me though," Louis said, matter-of-factly.
"God knows why," I sighed.
I looked up to see him hanging off the edge of his bed. I kissed him and he kicked his feet.
"You know, I wonder how much all the girls who think they'll get to marry you would hate me right now. I've got the Harry Styles in front of me and he just kissed me! I'm swooning," Louis said, giggling.
"Yeah? I've got someone better than Harry Styles," I said, "I get to kiss Louis Tomlinson."
He wrinkled his nose.
"You're disgustingly cute," he said, "I am dating you so hard."
Louis sat up, grumbling as the blood rushed down from his head.
"Really?" I asked, hopping onto the bed and sprawling out next to him.
He nodded.
"Yeah. I think, whenever we've got a night to ourselves, I'm going to take you out to a really nice dinner. Somewhere Italian. And I'll pay of course. Wait, before we go anywhere, I'll show up to your door with a dozen red roses. I'll try to woo your parents and I'll promise to have you back by your curfew. Then we'll go out to dinner. Maybe we'll go for a walk afterwards and complain about how full we are. But we'll go for ice cream anyways. I won't be able to decide between two flavors so obviously you'll get one and I'll get the other and then I'll just eat half of yours and maybe if I'm feeling nice you can have a bite of mine. And then I'll bring you home nice and safe and of course I'll give you a kiss goodnight," Louis said.
"A kiss on our first date?" I asked, "Bold."
"You'd kiss me anyways," Louis said, "If you didn't, I wouldn't let you take home the leftovers from the Italian."
"Since we had Italian, I've got to kiss you with garlic breath," I said.
"Breath mints," Louis said.
"Of course," I replied.
He laughed and kissed me, sans garlic breath. For the time being, at least.

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A/N
So this was one of those chapters where I just started writing and this is what I came up with. It's vaguely pornographic. Yay porn.
Anyways, as always, comments and suggestions for upcoming chapters are always appreciated!
Actually, I really do need suggestions.
I'm at a total loss right now.
Yay.
Love you!!!