Real Life

10: Unapologetic

I went to CVS with my Mema today. She's awesome and let me peruse the makeup section real quick.

             I wasn't going to actually get any thing but I had been wondering, right before, how she might react to me being a revolving door.

                 But as a was standing there, tears welling in my eyes, I turned and saw a lipstick that said "I AM RADIANT" and if you read my previous chapter, you will know why that touched me so much. I got the lipstick and the looked around the store.

                   My eyes, being controlled by my gay af mind, immediately settled on a bunch of Pride things. I grabbed a thing of Pride eye shadow. Then I looked at the poster. Two girls holding hands, two men in makeup (one in a dress), and then a bunch of people waving pride flags with makeup on.

          They looked so happy, so pure, so fucking unapologetic. And I loved it.

          I felt their energy course through me and grabbed 4 more things. One badass nail polish 'cause I wanted to, one clear lip gloss because it was called "crystal clear" and my gay ass kept whispering (in my head) "*crystal queer*", one black lipstick because I love Mavis From ' hotel Transilvania ' (i actually look a lot like her when I put one mascara, eyeliner, or black lipstick), and one deep red lip gloss because it was called 'black cherry' and I love black cherries. I did it on a whim.

               Then I sang in front of my Mema while in the car, which I am very self conscious about.

         But I felt, I feel so done with this shit. I sing good as fuck. I don't look like shit. I'm worth it. I am completely and utterly Unapologetic.

                        I got home and looked in the mirror. I looked at my reflection in the eyes and said "fuck you". I said "fuck you" to all the haters, all the negative thoughts, all the hatred. I will continue to say that to my reflection untill I don't need to. It helped me a lot. I felt better. I saw myself in new eyes and It felt damn good. I am done being sorry about who I am. I. am. officially. U.N.A.P.O.L.O.G.E.T.I.C.

I love you my darlings!💜
https://open.spotify.com/track/0prNGof3XqfTvNDxHonvdK?si=sEHPNRUGQC-1I3Ns1t7sDw