╰♣♣ 𝓐 𝓗𝓾𝓷𝓭𝓻𝓮𝓭 𝓒𝓵𝓸𝓿𝓮𝓻𝓼 ♣♣╮

1.1 || 𝓣𝓱𝓮 𝓒𝓪𝓹𝓽𝓪𝓲𝓷'𝓼 𝓒𝓪𝓹𝓽𝓪𝓲𝓷 || ♣

It did not make him feel at ease to know he had placed even more responsibility on Y/N. Lately his own ineptitude as captain had caused the newbies to have to pick up the slack, and this most recent predicament was far too good an example of that. Whilst he felt guilty for that; however, there was little he could do about that. 

Looking towards the younger woman that was now forced to follow him everywhere he went, he sighed internally. It didn't help that having someone follow him around made him feel tense and uneasy. Sure, he had gone for years living alongside Patri with only very minimal privacy - and only during the times when the elf soul was resting - but it couldn't really be compared to this. Especially since Patri had been there in times when he needed company simply to remain sane. To have it now, only reminded him of the judgement he was sure others would feel for what he had now, and it distracted from his work. 

And that wasn't the only thing that distracted him from his work. 

"I am guessing you want to head to your study first? Or is it the kitchen? Because either way, you're kind of going in the wrong direction..." Y/N's voice exclaimed. 

"Oh- ah -" Dammit. His point exactly. This whole arrangement was distracting and poorly thought out, especially since in her presence he completely forgot about everything. And he was the captain! 

"Right... study..." 

It took a while before it finally clicked. 

'Oh, right- Study! Paperwork. Mission reports. Dang it, when is an elf soul reminder when you need one...?' 

Clearly, he would have a very long day ahead of him. 

[♣]

The captain seemed completely out of it. 

Walking alongside him, Y/N noted that he seemed lost and unfocused, and, perhaps, a little... distracted... too. Maybe it was exhaustion. She'd noticed bags under his eyes during the captains' meeting, and though they were covered now by the mask, she had no doubt of what she'd seen. Honestly, he looked terrible. 

'Then again, after what he'd done... it serves him right,' a voice inside her head chirped. She could not fault it, and though her mind was still processing what Julius had said, she knew that  to some extent that voice was justified in its words. If the Wizard King was right...

She was surprised when he seemed to be headed for the courtyard, rather than any place else. Over the past few days he'd most confined himself to the study, so really she had expected that he would either go there, or the kitchen. After all, outside, the sun appeared to be setting, as if announcing the end of the day, and the beginning of evening time. Most of the Golden Dawn were probably gathered in the dining area by now. Then again, she hadn't seen Vangeance anywhere near the dining tables in the past several days. It wasn't unusual for any of the members of her squad to disappear for long periods of time - everyone here was well acquainted with long theoretical and practical study sessions, training sessions, sparring sessions, mission report write ups, missions, patrols and in general a very full schedule that often kept them away from socialising, and being the elite, few dared skirt their duties - but few disappeared for this long, and even the captain was usually gone for no longer than a week. 

Now, that would change. Whether she wanted to or not, she would always know where he was. And her newest mission would be the longest one of hers' to date, spanning a full year. 

Anyway, seeing where he was headed, the idea that he might have gotten confused and forgotten about the paperwork he was sure to have crossed her mind. Sure, a small voice nagged at her, telling her that really, what any human needed at the end of a long day was a rest and food, and that despite everything he had done he should not be kept from it, but she doubted that he would want to skive from his duties anyway. 

"I am guessing you want to head to your study first? Or is it the kitchen? Because either way, you're kind of going in the wrong direction..." She hoped this would draw him from whatever trance he was currently in. 

Halting in his step, he turned around realisation hitting him. Not quite fully, it took a while afterwards before he spoke and only sometime later did it completely dawn on him, given his expression. A mixture of amusement and pity filled her heart as she watched him. He really did appear lost, even as he fumbled for words, trying to figure out where he was intending to go next. 

"How about you deal with the paperwork first and then get food?" Y/N suggested, gesturing for  him to follow her, as she walked on in the direction of the study. 

"Good idea..." he murmured, still not completely out of his previous state, looking ahead of her into the distance even as he shadowed her. 

"So, apparently we're stuck together now..." she added awkwardly after a while of walking in silence. There was something uncomfortable about the lack of conversation between the two of them. It felt unnatural and this felt forced. Well, it was forced, in a way. This whole interaction. 

"I- I apologise for the inconvenience," he still did not look in her direction, even as they approached the corridor in which the study could be found. 

"Inconvenience?" 

Fiddling tentatively with his uniform, clearly uncomfortable, he remained quiet, but responded to her questioning tone nonetheless. "I am aware that calling it that is an understatement, but..." captain Vangeance sighed, "I still genuinely regret everything I have caused, whether or not you are willing to believe my words. If you do not, I understand... after all the secrets and lies, I would be more surprised if you did believe me." 

Y/N gritted her teeth. 'Understand, huh?' If he understood, then why did he betray them all? That was the one thing, the one thorn that dug deep into her chest. The one thing she truly hated. And he spoke as if it were that simple. 

"I'm not so sure you do understand. You betrayed your entire squad. We might not be perfect, but we did not deserve to be lied to and deceived. Our lives might not have more worth than anyone else's but nor either any less worth than that of any other person - human or elf. You endangered all our lives, all our reputations, and the lives of all of the people of Clover to protect one elf. Were we worth so little to you...?" 

Part of her felt guilty for coming off so harsh as soon as the words left her, but another felt justified. 

If he really had done what Julius suggested he had-! 

It took a while for her to click, but now that it did, she couldn't simply forget it. Still, she sighed. "It doesn't matter. I have a job, and so do you. Anyway, we're here now." Nodding over to the door to the study, she halted, waiting for him to enter first. 

There was a small amount of satisfaction to be had at seeing the large pile of paperwork stacked on his desk. Even if she at first felt sorry for him, given he appeared exhausted and lost, he at least deserved this much for all he'd done. 

Unable to quite decide whether to feel sorry for him, or be angry at him, Y/N's frustration grew. She needed some air. True, she was supposed to guard, him, but being around him the time was already becoming too much. Maybe she was the wrong person for the job. "I'll wait outside. Can I at least trust you not to try and escape through the window?" 

An awkward chuckle left him, before he realised that the person opposite him was not laughing, or smiling, or doing anything of the sorts. If anything, she looked unimpressed by his reaction. "There are probably at least half a dozen Golden Dawn members around the base at this time - it wouldn't be a very bright idea for me to run from my duties," he explained. 

"And yet, somehow you manage to fool all the Golden Dawners including myself before and escape to your elf friends..." 

He frowned. 

As Y/N turned away, walking out of the room to wait outside for him, he let out a sigh.

"I'm sorry Y/N...I know you probably don't believe me - I wouldn't believe myself if I were you too, but... I really do regret what I've done." 

[♣]

A/N - sorry if Y/N came off as inconsistent or too harsh, or William as OOC.