Cassette - z.m.

three.

"She sucks at playing the guitar but I can't help but marvel at her broken tunes."

• • •

I was so shaken up with what happened at the park. I know it's not that big of a deal but it doesn't happen to everyone, now does it?

I was going to crash the car into a goddamn tree but Maoie saved us by barking loudly and bringing me out of my trance. He's my little saviour. He's more intelligent than I give him credit for.

I parked my car on the side of the road for a bit and took a couple of deep breathes to calm myself down.

It was just a voice, Azin. Get a fucking grip on yourself. Jesus. I scold myself. But it's not easy. It was like those words held a lot of meaning and I- I don't know what to do. The voice- it was so familiar, eerily familiar. I can feel goosebumps rise on my skin.

I pet Maoie softly, brushing his soft fur. He helps me calm down. He knows I'm a bit shaken up. My face is very easy to read. Everyone says so.

I rest my head against the seat and look at the trees at the side of road. It's so peaceful out here. I already feel relaxed but there are still a million questions in my mind. How? Why? What could be the damn reason? You don't go around hearing random voices in your head, you know? It's not normal.

I run my hand through my hair in frustration. It's all so confusing. Maybe I should see a psychiatrist?

Maoie whimpers a little and nudges my hand with his cute little paw. I whisper to him that everything's okay and place a kiss on his head. He's so adorable I-

I take another breathe and gather my jumbled thoughts. "It was nothing. Maybe I imagined it. It was nothing." I tell myself and Maoie. Saying that out loud makes it easier to believe.

I rev up the engine and zoom out from the place in a determined manner.

It's getting very late and I still have a shit load of work to do. The first thing I do when I get home is take a long, cool shower. The cold water helps me relax and cope up with the heat. Maoie is probably busy chasing the squirrels in the backyard.

It's strange that I don't feel so lonely here, considering it's a big bad city and I'm all alone in this town. I should be scared, shouldn't I? But I'm not. Dad always said that I was a brave little girl but I never really believed it and I still don't.

I dry my hair with a towel and get back in my clean-the-house mode. I need to get it all sorted out today or I won't be able to do it ever. I change into the comfiest clothes I can find in my closet and get to work. I plug my iPod in and just let the music blare out from the speakers. I've had enough of this eerie silence.

I quickly stack up all the groceries in the designated shelves and set up the table and everything. After setting up the kitchen I am ready to unpack those deadly boxes. It takes me more than an hour to set up the living room and place the sofas and shit. Maoie helped me a lot, dragging the bean bags and keeping them where I want him to. I'm tired as fuck right now.

I collapse on the nearest thing to me -the hammock- and examine my work. I did well. The black couch looks lovely. Too bad I'm gonna splatter it with paint later. I like colourful, hipster things. Don't ask me why. I just do.

I make myself stand up and go set up the things in the bedroom. Placing new sheets, cleaning the windows, putting up posters, spreading the mats and whatnot. After all the things are like I want them to be, I plop down on the bed and sigh. I want my room to be like me.

I'm neither black nor white, I'm still kind of grey.

I feel like I'm stuck in the middle, like I'm incomplete. I don't know where my missing piece is; I want to know where my missing piece is.