Interpreting the Signs

Lost and Empty

She woke up to an empty bed and felt it rip right through her heart. The emptiness was growing, occupying more space. She could not get used to it, no matter how much she tried. Three years meant a lot to let go of. She would eventually get over him. Or confirm it had been a mistake and be able to say "yes". The problem was she didn't know how long it would take for her to figure it out, and maybe he wouldn't be willing to hear what she had to say when she finally did.

She took a long shower and decided to devote the day to get some perspective, but she'd focus on her career first. She had some decisions to make on that department also, and they somehow felt easier, though they weren't. She suspected it was because deep inside it all came down to the same: she was lost. She couldn't commit to a job or a career anymore, and she couldn't commit to a relationship either.

She went for a run. The park was deserted at 6 am, and she liked it that way. She had been running for almost two years, and it helped her think and relax. Just her and her thoughts.

Three years before, she thought she had it all. She had ascended quickly in a stressful and demanding job as a UN interpreter. Long days, trips around the world, high-profile connections, security, a great salary, with all the comforts that come with it, a challenging and demanding professional life. It was all she had dreamed of and more.

Until she acted on an impulse and volunteered to help out foreigners in depositions and interviews for the police department. She felt she needed to do more for others, to share her knowledge and help out those in need without the means to understand what was happening around them. But she wasn't ready for what she'd encounter down that path, and somehow, that small part of her life made her question everything else about it.

The only good thing that came out of that decision was meeting him. On her first day at the precinct, it was obvious to most officers that she didn't belong there, and every one of them chose to ignore her and keep on with their busy days. Every one but him. Sargent David Grimes was kind and helpful, and she liked him right away. She didn't have much of a social life, and neither did him, so the relationship came easy on both. They fell in love and they were good together, though, but somehow it was not enough. She was happy for a while and it helped to ignore the feelings that her new line of work were bringing over her, but only for a while.

The sun was warming up the morning when she felt a buzz from her front pocket and she took out her phone. A message from Chief Carlson. A boy was to be interrogated on the disappearance of his sister. When was a good time for her to come to the precinct.

"I can be there in an hour", she typed. It was almost two weeks since he walked out her front door and she hadn't seen him since. She didn't want to risk meeting him during the night shift. She didn't know what to say, how to say it, or even if she was entitled to say anything to him anymore. She headed towards her place thinking there was a chance he would have changed shifts or be on call, after all she didn't know anything about his life anymore. It felt weird going from one day to the next and loosing half of all that had been a regular part of her routine for so long. Even if it was something as dull as knowing each other's schedules. It made her feel the emptiness of her heart growing another inch. And yet the slight possibility of a chance encounter made something she thought lost return to her: longing.