Interpreting the Signs

A Different Path

Sam had always played by the rules, but lately she had a feeling starting to build up inside her chest. Lately had turned into a long time already. And with the events of the previous week, she felt she was about to explode.

A year ago she'd been so sure about everything. At 32 she had felt she had it all figured out. She had built a career, she had a good relationship, she'd just moved in a great place, and she felt like she had finally mastered the art of balancing personal and professional lives.

She had started to visit the precinct where David worked six months before, and she had added a feeling of giving back to her life that she didn't quite know was missing before. Helping out those in need was rewarding in so many ways.

She had felt she had it all. Just for a little while.

Forward to the present and her chest pains and night sweats were making her feel she should have never stoped minding her own business. She used to have it all. And she had to be charitable. She never thought that helping others would turn her life upside down like that.

She was on the verge of a panic attack. She tried to breathe and she tried to calm down, but she couldn't. Her mind was a wind-whirl of images and thoughts. The previous night had been exhausting, just the perfect way to end an exhausting week. And David had not help with that... It was true they'd been together for three years and it was a solid relationship. She was sure he loved her and she loved him too. So why couldn't she say yes? If only she hadn't spoken for that girl that week. If she hadn't met her. Maybe.

She couldn't stop thinking about her. Their lives were so different. And yet. Yet that girl had made everything she believed in crumble. Just like that. She couldn't think about going back to her daily chores on Monday at work. Exciting as her job at the UN had always felt, it was nothing compared to the feeling of speaking for someone that wouldn't be heard otherwise. And she couldn't shake off the feeling she could do more if she had more free time. Somehow it was not enough to help out every now and then for her anymore.

She was tired of doing everything that was expected of her. And an idea had started to materialize in the back of her mind. What if she had all the time to do this? How much more she would be able to help. How much better she would feel.

She was not sure who she was anymore. But as she realized this, the pain in her chest receded and her physical being started to feel better. Her troubled mind would take longer to heal, she feared, but that didn't mean she couldn't start making some changes towards that end. No baby steps. She needed immediate action. Maybe if she came to terms with who she was, she would be able to say yes to David some day down the line.

She was determined. She would start on a different path Monday forward. And that meant quitting her once dream job, the one she'd fought so hard to get and to keep, the one that had taught her so much about her profession, the one... that was not really giving her soul what it needed anymore.

Where that new path would lead, she didn't know. But she felt at ease with her decision for the time being, and she could finally sleep.