24th Male Member: NCT fanfic

Special

I walked on stage and sat on the stool with my guitar in hand. The bright lights shone down on me and I couldn't help but to think of Haewon's smile. The fans cheered loudly but went silent after I had begun. My emotions came out with every note I sang. Yes. With every note I sang. I was singing for the public for the first time. For my fans, for my members, for my family, and for my sister and dad. My voice was dripping with sadness as I remembered how I used to hang out with Haewon after school everyday. The snacks we shared in the kitchen at midnight while she told me all about her day. I let the song take me down the road of memories.

I stand, lonely and out of breath
Looking for you in everything
Where is that happiness
The one that always made me smile
Was that happiness
Just a mask to hide your struggling soul

Taint me, with the sounds of your cries
Haunt me, with the way you tried
To hurt yourself in ways I can't imagine
I thought you loved yourself
How much of this life was a lie

And I cry
Throughout the day and the night
And I try
To find my way back to the light
That is your smile
But you are no where to be found
Brings me to tears just by saying your name
It'll never be the same oh oh

I reach, for your smaller hand
But I'm left with my sadness again
Where is my happiness
The one that made you smile
Was that happiness
A mask to hide my own struggling soul

Hate me, for trying to move on
Shame me, for trying to accept that you're gone
To try and understand just why you left
Taking all my strength and motivation
Leaving me with sadness and depression

And I cry
Throughout the day and the night
And I try
To find my way back to the light
That is your smile
But you are no where to be found
Brings me to tears just by saying your name
It'll never be the same oh oh

I'm not one to cry
I'm the type to cover it and hide
I'm the last one you expect to break
And I'm the only one out of us who should be called fake

And I cry
Throughout the day and night
And I try
To find my way back to the light
That is your smile yeah
But you are nowhere to be found
Brings me to tears just by saying your name
It'll never be the same
I'll never be the same
No it'll never be the same no

With you lies a peice of me
The part that makes me complete
And helps me to make it through
That part of me is you
That part of me is you oh
We both know it's true
That part of me is you

I looked out to the crowd and felt stronfer even though I must've looked broken. I was crying and shaking but I felt so much happiness. All that ran through my mind was how much Haewon would've loved to see me sing for all of these people. How happy she would've been to see that I was being honest about my feelings. I smiled through my tears as I stood and placed my guitar back on its stand. With a heaving chest and muffled cries I bowed to the audience and heard their love and support. They shouted encouraging words to me and I smiled a little more knowing that some of those thing would've been what Haewon would've said. The lights dimmed and I walked offstage to my members with tears still flowing and heart feeling lighter. And with only a few words I expressed my complex emotions.
"It'll be okay."