cw: suicide. like it's probably going to be mentioned throughout the book so maybe dont read this if it'll make you feel uncomfy
-unedited
marvin woke up in a bed that wasn't his. the walls were too white, the place smelling too much like sanitizer. he sat up and immediately felt a throbbing at the back of his head.
"ah, you're awake," marvin heard charlotte say.
"what am i doing here?" marvin asked, after recognising this place to be a hospital. he winced slightly at his rough voice.
"you passed out," charlotte sighed, "when me and cords went over for our weekly drinks, you were completely gone."
marvin felt worse than he did the last time he was awake. his everywhere hurt.
"what is it?" marvin asked.
charlotte looked at him with sad eyes, "the same thing that whizzer got."
marvin felt his heart stop at the name. his head felt light when he processed what charlotte had said.
"o-oh," was all marvin could muster.
when night eventually came, after trina, mendel, jason and cordelia went home, marvin was left alone with his thoughts. he was going to die the same way whizzer did. they were no closer to finding a cure and reagan wasn't doing batshit about it. his death was inevitable.
marvin rubbed a tired hand across his face. life was so much easier when the only thing he had to worry about was whether or not whizzer was going to stay the night. whizzer. hearing that name hurt, like a punch to the gut. marvin missed him, yes, he's said that about a billion times, but that was honestly it. marvin missed whizzer.
he wanted to visit his grave. but char said that he had to stay here and rest. marvin didn't want to rest. how could he? when his thoughts were filled with brown-haired men, who at times, marvin wasn't even sure loved him back. he never got to say it.
i love you.
the words marvin was so afraid of. it was stupid, marvin knew.
maybe he could... meet whizzer again. speed up the process of seeing him in heaven. this disease was going to slowly, painfully kill him. it wasn't like he had anything to live for. sure, there was jason, char, cordelia. maybe even trina and mendel. but they'll learn to live without him.
but how was the question. overdose on his meds? marvin looked at the tubes sticking into his sickly flesh and sighed.
he'll think about it later. marvin sighed again and rested his head on the headboard. later...
"dad, you need to stop passing out," marvin heard the faint sound of jason's voice. it was still high-pitched and squeaky. as if he were still 10 and covering his ears from all the yelling between marvin and trina.
good times.
marvin blinked his eyes open and saw the slightly blurry figure of his darling son. soon, he was able to make out a small frown covered by brown curls on the boy's face. god, his hair was getting out of hand. marvin made a mental note to ask trina to get jason's hair cut.
"sorry, can't help it," marvin croaked out, a small smile playing on his lips.
jason rolled his eyes and dropped back down on the chair by marvin's bed, fiddling with a metal thingy. marvin sighed and watched as jason furrowed his eyebrows and the music coming from the device changing every so often. he felt his eyes drooping and could hear charlotte's voice ringing around the room. he slowly fell back asleep again, unable to make out the words char and jason were exchanging.
"i can do it myself, char," marvin rolled his eyes as he ambled over to the bathroom.
charlotte bit her bottom lip but didn't object. marvin shut the door behind him and sighed when he caught his reflection in the mirror. his eyes were sullen and he already looked half-dead. he ran a hand across his chin where some stubble had grown.
he picked up the his shaver. he picked up the little razor thingy and accidentally pricked his finger on the sharp edge. he watched the small droplet of blood form and drip down to his wrist. marvin felt the strange need to cut down his wrist, across the vein.
he brought the razor towards his bony wrist, where there was a blue vein that stood out prominently. he pierced the flesh lightly, wincing slightly at the sting. he drew it down the expanse of his pale arm, dark red blood oozing out the cut. marvin watched in wonderment as the blood dripped off his arm and onto the tiled floor.
he brought the sharp razor towards his other arm and did the same. sure, it hurt, but it felt good. it felt right. marvin felt his head get light as he lost more blood. he stumbled over to the sink and switched the tap on, placing his bloody arms under the running water.
marvin blinked his eyes slowly as black dots crowded his vision. he felt himself swaying, ears ringing. he felt himself fall to the ground. i'm going to see you really soon, whizzer. marvin smiled as he heard his heartbeats slow. his breathing became shallow.
and soon, blackness.
marvin could hear the loud beeping of his alarm clock, accompanied by the faint twittering of birds. he blinked open his eyes blearily as he made sense of his surroundings. he was in his old house. from when he and trina were still married. but, how? what was going on? he had ended it. why was he here?
i realise the book is going to be a lot like my other one so maybe i'll unpublish that? because im really not that proud of it but idk.
