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Chapter 13: Words of Silence

Nothing in this world brings me joy. But I will find it; I know I will.

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"Why can't I come with you? I want to go; I want to help others. I can do something, anything. Just let me help you, please!"

It was me, all alone, staring forward. My voice spoke loud and clear. I could do anything, anything that I wanted to do. My heart still reached forward. But his face, watching mine, sorrowed, and couldn't bring my soul to peace.

"I'm afraid I can't; you are still injured. You should stay here and rest."

It has been hours after lunch, the time within the sun passing by. Yet, as the day passed, Alexander still couldn't give me what my heart desired most. Standing in the door opening, he explained it countless times. He has to leave, just for a couple of hours, trading for some food in a neighboring village.

"I'm fine." My soul reached out yet again, just one more time. Even so, Alexander's eyes looked right through my soul in agony, the sadness plainly visible.

"Why can't I really come along?" Clinging at Alexander's trousers, I reach out to him once more as he turns around to face the full, wild world.

"I'm sorry, Lilith," Alexander spoke, hearing sorrow within his voice. "This forest isn't for a young child like you. There live some creatures here that hunt anything, never stopping."

With his voice feeling the tears streaming away, Alexander kneeled before me and laid his hand on my head. "I know what it is like. What you seek is the warmth from others, after you lost it so long ago. It isn't that I want to keep you locked in here. I only want to keep you safe; that is my only reason."

Seeing him smile as he spoke cleared every doubt inside my mind. Even if I was alone, seeing that man care for me lit up all the loneliness I felt. I could count on him to watch over me, to protect me from the things that I don't understand. That, and only that, made me happy, even if it was for a short while. Waiting for his return, soon enough.

Then, he left. And I, alone, could only lie on the bed, waiting for his return. That's the only thing left in my mind. But as the sunlight shone through the glass upon my face, I only realized the fact that I was lonely, left behind in this world that didn't care. That darkness still wrinkled, but subsided. However, despair as deep crawled from the pits of my memories. And as if nothing had changed it came back with questions.

"Why are you here again, Liliana?"

As the void crawled its way out of the shadows, it reformed itself as me, pitch-black. "Don't you like my presence?" it asked, ominously, as it watched from above. But her question was as cold as ever.

"No, I despise it." I stared at the ceiling. "Every time you show up, the world feels lonelier." My eyes filled with loneliness. "With you here, nothing changes." And fading away from my light blue pupils.

"And you despise those feelings?"

"No. The only thing I despise is your presence. I don't care about your words anymore. It isn't what I want, no matter what you say."

Every time Liliana came, it brought only despair and misery. Showing me the way forward, her blood-filled hands could never understand my soul in its purest.

"But what are you going to do?"

"What do you mean? I don't know," I answered without tone or empathy, watching her watching me without love. "What could I do? You know already that there isn't anything there. But I will wait."

"Waiting for him to show you the wonders of this world, something you call hope, happiness, or even love?"

"Isn't that worth waiting for?" I asked, hearing doubt in Liliana's voice. In it, she trembled, before picking up again.