Promising Young Woman

...Dear Strangers...

Playlist of today: Take my hand by Jannabi.

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Have you ever felt so happy that you ended up crying?

Well, to be honest, that's how I'm feeling when writing this chapter.

Thursday, 18/06/2020.

A smile comes across my face as I had left my sister sleeping and my mother reading Fallen Crest High. This was my moment of peace.

I felt time stop, observing the scenery around me. I was in the study, twisting a black arm chair while staring at my cooking pot of Samp and beans.

I had a book with me. A very old book. I opened up the old book again and since it's a very good book, whenever I felt tired, happy or empty, I used to take it out and read it. I find new sentences in this book every day. It's a book that has stayed with me the longest. I'd memorize the lines of the book because I've read it so many times, but lately that book feels a bit strange to me. Even when I read the lines I've highlighted before, I don't know why on the earth I highlighted such lines.

It is definitely the book I read over and over again countless of times, but I keep on seeing new sentences I haven't seen before. I've now realised there were so many lines that I missed. It feels like I'm reading a new book. Maybe the reader has had a change of heart. That's how good books are. If you reread a book you read when you were ten, it feels completely different because we have now changed. The book I have hasn't changed. It's me that has changed. The heart of the reader has changed.

I'll always look back on my golden love. It was that one thing that did me justice. A miserable warmth that I'll carry with me forever.

Uncontrollably fond, I've forgiven him for making me this way. Slowly healing myself, I won't make friends with change. When everybody's perfect, I hope that we can start over again.

I've missed you.

The way you talk, I still seem to love that sound. Ne hyanggineun dalkomhan felony. (Your scent is a sweet felony)

They'll never know, but they'll just keep on asking, when. I'm still trying to figure out how this is real. Hooked on a black and white film, only you know how it feels to need you and wait.

So count me in.
Maybe I'll clear my conscious by letting you ruin me twice.
Things will never be same. We both have changed. But I still see you.
Though I might be finding new sentences in this old book of mine, you're still supportive, still curious, still mean, still sensitive, still honest about my over thinking brain. Still you.

And I'm glad.

Even as a friend, I know that I'll always go back to you.

Sasireun nan deo baraneun ge eobseo ije.
Simjangeun ttwigin haneun geonji mugamgakhae geurae.
Saramdeulgwaui eokjiseureon hanmadibodan.
Neowaui eosaekhan chimmugi charari joha.

(There’s nothing more I want now
I can’t even tell if my heart is beating
Rather than forceful conversations with others
I’d rather be in awkward silence with you)

So stay geuge eodiga dwaetgeon mariya.
Gakkeum eodumi ol ttaemyeon I’ll be your fire.
Geojit gateun sesang sok yuilhan truth it’s you.
This is a letter from me to you.

(So stay, wherever that may be
Sometimes, when darkness comes, I’ll be your fire
In this world that is a lie the only truth, it’s you
This is a letter from me to you)