My Real Fairy King

Jackie-Most Likely to Fail

High St. Those are the letters that greet me upon waking up. They're on some dirty green sign above me. I blink rapidly, trying to make sense of my hungover confusion. The shade of green is almost ugly enough to be in...oh god. I'm in Steven's bed. He's asleep. And his arm is around me. At first, all I can think about is the old high school days when my parents abandoned me and I secretly lived with him for a few weeks. Nope-back to reality. We're naked. How did this happen? Were the last few months some kind of terrible nightmare? Are we somehow back together? No, that's impossible I tell myself as I try to piece together what happened last night through my headache. Okay, so we definitely did it. That's for sure. All I can remember is getting embarrassingly drunk, telling Donna I was going to meet a bunch of guys, but then all that happened was I ended up finding Steven. And I swear he wanted me too! No, he even said he loved me! And wait...he said he only married the stripper because he thought she was me! I knew he wasn't over me! This is MORE romantic than West Side Story! I need to tell him now and he'll fall in love with me again!

"Steven! Steven wake up!" I yell giddily. He just groans. "Come on! If you don't get up now I'm going to play Dancing Queen!". "Dancing Queen-wha-Jackie??" he mumbles. He blinks a few times and sits up straight, dropping his arm from my shoulders like he doesn't want to catch on fire. "What the hell are you doing here?" he asks me, annoyed. I back off a bit, but the smile doesn't leave my face. "You invited me in here", I say, gesturing to my nakedness. His face registers what has happened. "Oh god. Jackie, this can't happen again". "Why not?" I ask, pouting a little. "Because we're over, Jackie!" Now he's really mad, which I don't quite understand. He seemed to feel different last night...but I know I need to be sympathetic to get through to him.

I try a more serious tone, the kind I'v learned to use from being with him. "Look, Steven, I get why this might seem wrong but we were both really drunk last night and this was definitely a mutual decision". "Jackie, I-" he interjects. "Wait, let me finish" I say. "You even told me that you married the stripper because you were so drunk you thought you were marrying me. I don't know why you'd be such a jerk and stay in the marriage but you've been so nice to me recently that I'll forgive you for it. Let's give this another try. I have five new toe rings" I say, wiggling an eyebrow at him, but how wrong what I chose to say is hits me like a slap in the face. 

He backs up coldly and puts on the face that is more than his normal pissed off, which is pretty rare, even for Steven. I feel a lump in the pit of my stomach. He lets out a slow laugh, a laugh so condescending I only heard him use it when Michael suggested we should each invite a parent to the circle. "Oh,  isn't that just swell!" he says sarcastically. "So you think now that you're over what I did you can go right back to bothering me about marrying you? You're fifty times dumber than I ever thought. Guess what-the universe doesn't revolve around you. If you hadn't nailed Kelso we would never be in this whole mess!" I look at him harshly, fighting back tears. "Steven, how can you say that! You know I didn't even sleep with him. You acted like you never even cared about me!". He snickers. "Oh, I seem like I don't care! Let's see, Miss Didn't Talk To Me For Two Months!" I sigh. I hate to admit it, but he has a point. "Steven, I am sorry about that. I should have given you more time to decide when I went to Chicago. I was just so sure you were going to say no. I mean, you seemed like you would rather steal a bunch of toys than marry me. And I wasn't even going to do it with Michael in Chicago, okay? He wanted to, but I didn't. I just let him come in because I was so lonely and I thought I'd lost you". He sighs and it looks like I'd gotten through to him for a minute, but then his expression hardens again. "Jackie, I've told you time and time again I don't trust you and Kelso! You think this stupid girly little fantasy story is gonna change that? Now do me a favor and get out of my room!" In one motion, he shoves me out of the room. One second later, he throws out my clothes from last night.

I sit in the hallway dejected, barely remembering I should probably get my clothes on before someone comes down here. I feel numb, like nothing matters in my life. What have I done in the last few months since high school ended? Let's see. Get my dream job, be abandoned by my mom once again, give the job up for the man I loved more than anything in the world. Lose him too. Move in with my pervy friend. Become a personal assistant for my idol only to realize she was twenty times bitchier than me (and that's really saying something). Get a crummy job sweeping hair off floors instead that wouldn't even get me onto the waitlist for a country club. Where has Jackie Burkhart been lost along the way and replaced by this loser? I force myself to move into the main area of the basement and cry myself numb, praying Steven won't come out but too upset to move.

I'm awakened by two huge, strong man hands I know could only be Donna's. "Jackie? What happened? You haven't cried this much since the mall stopped selling blue eyeshadow!" I hug her, ignoring the fabric of her shirt and sobbing. "I can't talk about this here". She pulls me up. "Come on" she says as she ushers me toward the Vista Cruiser. "I gave Eric the best sex of his life last night so he won't care". "Ew, you big goon!" I exclaim despite myself. She just rolls her eyes. "There's Jackie".

"Okay, Donna, you have to promise not to tell anyone this. Look, Steven and I had sex last night". "Whaat?" she says. "Yeah, we both got really drunk. And then we found each other in the basement and-oh my god, Donna it was so romantic it was like a movie-he even told me he LOVED me. And then remember how he barely remembered getting married to the stripper? He told me he only married the stripper because he was so drunk he thought it was me!" She looks at me weirdly. "What? Why are you so sad then, Jackie? God, I had no idea Hyde talked to you like that" she says, laughing. I punch her lightly on the arm to remind her of what's important. "Um, Donna. I'm in the middle of a story here. Anyway, so he was acting all lovey-dovey and stuff (Donna tries terribly to hold back a laugh until I glare at her) but then when I woke up today he wanted nothing to do with me! Right when I was ready to forgive him!" I tell her what Steven said, trembling at the memory of it. 

"Damn, Jackie, I haven't seen you this hurt since he made up that nasty haiku for you". I shudder. "But that ended well! This time I ruined everything forever!" I say tearfully. Donna sighs. "Look, don't take this the wrong way and let your stupid ego get the better of you and like, go propose to Hyde right now or something". I glare at her. "But anyway, I can't believe I'm telling you this but he's obviously not over you! Why else would he do it with you, tell you he loved you, and let you sleep in his bed last night?". This cheers me up slightly. "But he was drunk...." I reply. Donna sighs. "He might not be over what you did, but he's not over you. I wouldn't have to listen to thirty minutes of you describing how passionately he sucked your face off or the very un-Hyde like things he apparently said to you if he was over you. Not to mention how he saved you from that creep a few weeks ago. There wasn't any alcohol involved there". I nod. "Okay, but what do I do? He's still mad at me and honestly I'm still kind of mad at him too. He never apologized for marrying that whore! And now I think I ruined everything" I say. "Look, Jackie" she says. "You're going to have to do this slowly. Don't overcrowd him. He'll need some space, but I'm sure he'll come around. He's a good guy". "But Donna, Burkharts don't give people space" I respond. She rolls her eyes. "Come on, do you want to go to the mall now and help me pick out some less manly clothes?". I smile. Even if she doesn't know how to act like a girl all the time, she's a good friend. "Oh, Donna, you never let me do that!" I say, clapping my hands together as we get ready to go.