Milk & Cookies

Untouchable

11:07pm

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I hate when a day becomes just another day that I'm waiting to pass by. As if the routine is being laid out and getting me ready to play the part. As if it's like a movie that I already watched and watching again because I have no spare movies to watch. Or as if no matter how hard I change the day it's going be the same tomorrow where I'll get tired and I'll do nothing about and play the same old scenes again.

It is another ordinary, lazy day I'll be awake at 9am, get up by 9:30, stretch a bit, fix the bed by 9:35 and be out of my room.

The routine of working out for an hour, lunch, clean the dishes, sleep, cook for dinner, wash the dishes—again, sleep, and repeat is what gets me through to live–or if it is really what you call living.

Sometimes–most of the times, I am sick of it but I have a feeling that this is no other ordinary lazy day.

Because if this is another ordinary lazy day, then I should be waking up at 9am not at 7 am. This is wholesome weird.

I made french toast, brewed coffee with milk, and had my breakfast at the study room. With all the books that surrounds me and this huge glass window that lets in the natural light in this place means that this is—what do kids these days call it— GOALS.

I ate near the huge glass window and overlook the view—which is only houses and roofs.

I saw my bestfriend Ricky and I smiled at him. But he only stared at me and off he goes.

I ignored it and continued my not so ordinary lazy day. After breakfast, I read so many books that I did not knew time would pass so fast that it was lunch already. I was not hungry so I went to the garden to do some painting.

I would like to try to paint the face of Ricky that screams sadness, depression, misery which in short is ugliness. Hahahahaha– I should ask him later to come over.

Maybe he is sad because he lost a game of mobile legends or the internet connection at their house is so slow that ending his life would be faster—

ENDING.HIS.LIFE.

I dropped my brush at the thought of it. Frozen and don't have the ability to speak, everything seems to turn into black and white.

I get it now. I remember now why this no ordinary lazy day. Why Ricky–

I cannot breathe. It is getting harder for me to breathe. My heart aches. I am in pain and I want to scream. But not a single noise came out of my mouth.

I ran to the study room and collapsed on the floor while still holding my chest. I count one to ten calming myself, wishing that the pain will be gone by then. I reached 12 and it is still there. By the time I reached 50, I inhaled and exhaled slowly and the whole glass of illusion shatters.

It took me my old room. It is still black and white. I saw my mom looking out of the window. Staring at nothing.

I went downstairs and saw people I cared and loved.

I cover my mouth with my hands to stop myself from making a noise while crying.

And heard Ricky said..

"You thought that you're alone when everyone is here on your 1st death anniversary"