For as long as I can remember, I have always thought it would be the best if I could die in my sleep. Just a natural, simple way to go.
No pain.
No heartbreak.
Just emptiness that you'd never see coming.
Honestly I just didn't want to die painfully, getting hit by a car or stabbed with a knife never appealed to me. A gun would be debatable, if it was instant, cool. If I bleed out for hours and felt every minute of it, Hell no!
Maybe I'm weird, but I've never feared death, since it'll happen eventually, but pain... now that was a terrifying thought. Watching crime shows and the news for 17 years with my dad at least three days a week seemed to have drilled the fear of pain in me. Of dying a slow and pain filled death.
Being raised Christian let me believe there would be an afterlife, funny how no one has every described that. And Honestly I still do believe in the afterlife, well its more life a hope. There's still a good chance nothing happens, everything is all speculation. Hell, everyone wonders even the most devoted Christians, and I don't care what they claim the Bible says, I form my own opinions, but I won't write anyone else's off, heck even Hade's seems like an interesting place. School never gave much information on Hades' land of the dead, I only remember it as grey 'ghosts'? That are attracted by blood, sheep's blood was used in the myth, I don't know if it was a good place to 'live' but maybe it was just another place.
Then there are all those other theories of reincarnation, like General George S. Patton. I heard he believed he was a poet in his previous life. Or though fan fiction theories where the dead get reborn into their favorite stories. Heck if I died maybe I'd become a rock, resting and watching the world go by and being thrown and cracked by a random passerby, who knows?
Now, you maybe wondering why a 17 yr old is contemplating death. I know I would, but I have and I do. Honestly its just something to pass the time, a thought to process. Nothing too big. Well, not really too big, until something happens.
No. I didn't die by truck-sama to summon me to save a gaming world, or any other world for that matter, thank you very much.
No, the last thing I remember was going under anesthesia for surgery.
I never really had trouble as a child. Played and ran all the time, screaming and running, terrorizing my older brother just like any other little sister. But once I got to middle school, my chest started hurting here and there. Wasn't anything too big, it was a pain I could tolerate, heck breaking my nose on a church pew of my chest bone breaking under the weight of a dog pile on my cousin's shoe was much more painful. Though it did concern my parents, especially since Dad's side of the family has a history of heart problems. Funny how these things work out and I swear it seems like only the bad family genetics get transferred, like my dad's heart issues, his whole body achene (wasn't fun when mine broke out, stupid white puss. I'd swear they were alien babies using human pores as a breeding ground), dark black leg hairs that grow more than men's, heck I'm pretty sure I got my mini mustache from mom and glasses, horrible horrible glasses, I miss seeing in the shower, I miss seeing shapes without fuzz and I hate poking my eyes out with contacts.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not the worst looking girl, or the best for that matter, but it's so much easier to see the bad things, so much easier to hate them and look down on them. But anyway, I ended up needing surgery and the odds were pretty good so we literally had nothing to worry about, so my parents agreed to it. I honestly would have been happy to not have the surgery at all, but a 17 yr old girl has no say in 'adult' matters so I had to suck it up and deal with it.
So on June 26, I was drugged for my surgery and put under.
As much as I hated my Summer vacation being ruined, it was understandable so I hadn't complained... too much.
Imagine my shock and surprise when I woke up to a grey world, a cold stomach and bars that made my world into a jail cell.
Yeah, I had never really felt it.
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