Remembering Us

"More Than Life Itself"

Zoey stares expectantly at her brother who looks sick.

He suddenly launches himself from his seat of the dining table, looking like a tightly coiled spring that's just been released.

"Well I guess they considered it breaking news." Cameron mutters, meeting my eyes across the table.

"Was that his proof?" Isaiah asks, looking out the dining room window at the taillights of Xander's car as they quickly leave the driveway.

"Yes." Cameron responds, again looking at me, this time with a grim frown.

Audrey Rush did nothing wrong. My heart aches for the time my boy lost with the love of his life. To think that I've played a part in it makes me want to cry out. She never deserved whatever I said to her three years ago. I don't know what I told her, but Cameron said it was enough to make her disappear from our lives. Three years, three years of love and happiness taken from both her and Xander. It makes me think of the twelve years I'm missing. I'm missing twelve years from a man that loves me more than anything else.

"Excuse me." I mutter, trying to keep the trembling from my voice as I stand from the dining table. "I need a second."

I walk down the hall, quickly checking on the little kids in my way to the stairs. They're so focused on their silly movie they don't notice me as I rush up the stairs.

Walking into the room, I quietly close the door behind me and move to the dresser to look at the photos sitting there.

The first, on the far left, is from our wedding. I'm holding a giggling Zoey, her burgundy dress standing out against my white one. My face is turned up to kiss Cameron who is standing next to me. He's bent down but is holding Ryder on the hip next to me and Xander on the other.

The next is from when Theo was born. Zoey and Ryder are sitting in the hospital bed, one on each side of me, as we stare down at the small bundle. Cameron and Xander are standing together on the side, also looking at Theo. There's so much contentment, love, and happiness in the photo, it brings tears to my eyes. I wish I could remember.

The third one makes we cringe. I must have been taken just moments after I gave birth. My hair is a mess, I look sweaty and exhausted. What's so special about the photo is Cameron smiling down at the pink bundle, a lone tear on his cheek.

"You hate that photo." Meghan walks into the room, looking from me to the frame in my hand. "You say you hate how it makes you look like a zombie. Cameron loves it."

"It is a good photo of him and Mayzie." I nod, setting the frame down. "He loves his children, that much is clear."

"He loves that photo of you." She walks next to me, picking the frame up. "It's a guy thing, Isaiah feels the same way about my sweaty afterbirth photos."

"What way?" I question with a frown.

"Pride." She responds, looking at me with a gentle smile. "You just went through hell and back for him, to make him happy because you love him and it fills him with pride. Sometimes arrogance." She shrugs, her grin growing. "I'm surprised Cameron has been able to keep his hands to himself."

She sees the question in my eye and laughs, knowing she piqued my curiosity. She moves to sit on Cameron and I's bed, patting the spot next to her before pulling her legs up in the bed, crossing them Indian-style. I move toward the bed taking a few minutes to get comfortable as I rest my aching back and feet. Everything g hurts now.