Almost

Lucy.

Hi I'm Polo, I'm bipolar (or a psychopath idk), I'm at my senior year at isa lang ang masasabi ko. I wanna kill people.

I was 8 years old noong namatay yung pinakamamahal kong ina. Actually s'ya na lang yung palagi kong nakakasama because my father's a workaholic and an alcoholic. Trabaho dito, trabaho doon. Inom dito, inom doon. There's this time na hindi s'ya umuwi sa bahay for like a week and then we found him sa basurahan malapit sa bahay namin. Nung ginising s'ya ng nanay ko nagalig pa s'ya like hell nasaktan nya nanay ko noon but it's so weird na hindi manlang s'ya nagreklamo or something. It's so weird also that I didn't cry at my mom's funeral. Nagpakamatay s'ya because I don't know. We were driving to get some food when she said she's so tired, then I asked her why and wala manlang s'yang response. Nung nakarating kami sa resto we ordered some food ofc. Nagpaalam s'ya sa akin na pupunta s'ya sa bathroom. One thing is for sure. Ayoko sa sinungaling. Last thing I saw is our car burning sa likod lang mismo ng resto so basically, I watched her burn to death. Sabi nila if you commit suicide you're going straight to hell. Maybe that's why I wanna kill people to be with my mom again.

Simula noon hindi na umiinom tatay ko and he's so positive. Meron na s'yang time sa akin and I've never seen him so happy like that. That's why it drove me crazy and mad.

Lagi kong sinasabi sa sarili ko na
"I wanna feel something."
Simula noong tila ba nabaliw ang tatay ko at namatay ang nanay ko. Wala na akong maramdaman like for real. I stabbed myself in my stomach when I was 13 years old just to feel something. I ended up bein' at the hospital for 9 weeks. It was so boring that I always remove my dextrose when the doctor's not around just for fun. It is, for real, fun because it bleeds and it's like a fountain and it makes my father angry just like old times.

When I was 15 years old I tried to test my luck by drowning myself at the school's swimming pool. It was my swimming classes every Monday, Wednesday and Friday. It was so fun drowning myself but I ended up at the hospital. Again. It sucks being lucky.

I was 15 years old too when I got my first kill. It was a rabbit in the woods.
That time tinuturuan ako ng ninong ko bumaril kasama ang tatay ko. He pointed where the rabbit is and the next thing I did was run to the rabbit and I stabbed it 2 times. My father was so angry. It's weird that he didn't punish me.

Every night, in my dream, I remember that white rabbit that I killed and the blood on my hand so every weekend when I'm free pumupunta ako sa gubat para mag hunt ng kung ano ano. May collection na nga ako actually.

One time, napagod ako kakahunting and I decided that I want a bigger kill. I want to kill a human being.

Lunch time, I'm at the school's canteen syempre ako lang magisa like always. This grade 12 student approached me.

Her name was Lucy.

It's the first time a girl talked to me.

She said

"I've seen you play."

I said

"A what?"

She said

"A guitar and I've seen you sing."

I said

"Ummmm how di--"

She said

"You're shit."

(I hate her. I wanna kill her.)

I said

"Well fuck off then."

I play guitar. I bring my guitar sometimes in our classroom not to impress girls but to just play some music. The 1975 or something like that. Some local bands or local artists like Arthur Nery, Clara Benin, Munimuni and Reese Lansangan. Something like that.

Tingin ko s'ya yung magandang target. She likes to sing so I can lure her to my house then do the killing. One thing I don't know ay kung anong gusto nya. I need to know Lucy. I need to study Lucy.

I might as well start tomorrow.