for what it's worth

aflight/afloat

(for someone who once meant the world.)

these fine wisps of clouds – they trail me, they
haunt me. you were the one who first found me
in these expanses – and grateful I was.
do you remember what it felt to be aflight? to
soar amongst the boundless? all the times when it was just
me & the sky & you. we are weightless in the wind,
laughter riding the breeze, an infinity of hours –
one after another – a winding path leading us home.
clouds in our hair, fingertips brushing the blurred
edges of the horizon, our melodies that
the wind carried away and beyond.
do you remember the ray of light streaking
through? the name we were to make for ourselves.
endless times of tumbling through sheaths of
golden light, warmth blooming on skin; the
blossom of the morning seeping through.
oh, what foolish youth.
we had hoped we were timeless.

we knew we were time-bound.
then – your wings stuttered and
I didn't realize you were falling until we did.
a hurt buried too deep, resentment thinly veiled.
a catalyst of a cataclysm.
the plunge stretched for an eternity. it never seems to end –
what happened? what is happening? and what are we now?
an abyss of a crevasse;
gravity drags us down by our heels.
falling,
and falling,
and falling.
why has this become? why have we become this?
a glint of metal in my hand, maybe in yours. maybe
this is the way it should end. maybe this is for the better.
and in the end, is the blame mine or yours?
maybe it's both our burdens to bear.

we were a ticking time bomb.
we break the surface of the ocean like it's
solid ground. the water rushes into my lungs as do
the memories into my heart, and the torrent
swallows me whole. I see you then – dragged in the
undertow, kicking and struggling to get away.
away. from me.
the void between us feels endless, and the
current stretches that even more so. I sputter
and breathe, rolling onto my back, staring eye to eye
with the clouds of the maelstrom. where we used to be.
yet now all that remains – glazed eyes and diverted glances,
who are you now? how are you now?
the past feels like a lifetime away, and it's like
our paths have never intertwined before.
it's like 'we' never existed before.
the ebb and flow of feelings, the ebb and flow of waves.
my body keeps afloat in these ravaging waters,
the same ones dragging you to shore.
I hope they bring you to a better place.
and as for me – I breathe in the stinging air,
holding on to nothing but the remnants of memories.
these fine wisps of mist – they trail me, they haunt me.