painful bliss || 박지민 ✓

40.

Dear Jiyoon,

There are so many things I've wanted to say to you, but I knew that I couldn't and that this could be the only way. I've never thought I could be attached to someone so easily, that I could love someone as much as I loved you.

So before I can say anything, I just need to get these two things out,

I love you and I'm sorry.

Even if I said these two things to you, for a hundred years, I know I still couldn't be forgiven.

So, I'm sorry; I'm sorry for leaving you, I'm sorry for making you love me, I'm sorry for hurting you.

and more importantly, 

I love you, Choi Jiyoon, I love you so much, and that's one thing that will never change. Even if I'm not by your side, I will keep loving you, even if we never see each other again, I will keep loving you, even if you hate me for leaving you, I will keep loving you, my jiyoon.

You could hate me if you want, you could forget me if you want, I've left you so suddenly.

Since the moment I've laid my eyes on you, I was captivated. But I knew approaching you would be dangerous since it would hurt us both. But at that moment I decided to risk it, 

and I was right to think it would be dangerous,

because I fell for you completely.

Choi Jiyoon, you were my painful bliss,

I loved you and hated you. I loved you for all the joy you brought me, but I hated you for making it so hard for me to leave you.

My lovely Jiyoon, I hope you can forgive me for leaving you like this.

-Park Jimin