The Diary Of Keith

29

The black truck waited outside as I collected necessary things into cardboard cartons which Wilson had helped me load into his truck. The hospital had given a full notice which mentioned how I only had to bring essentials and not extras which  included expensive things. I had however settled the issue of my mac as I told them how I needed to work online. Wilson had apparently stayed the night at my house and in the morning reminded me of the whole thing that had happened yesterday which truly flabbergasted me. The scariest part was my damn foot, I squealed like a women when I saw the injury.

Wilson was carrying a box of clothes but dropped it on the ground when Keith could be heard screaming inside the house.

"are you okay" he blurted to Keith who was sitting on the floor with head in hands.

"what the fuck, I didn't know it was that bad"

"I already told you this morning, the injury was deep" he sighed, helping his to his feet "you scared me"

When we reached the hospital they took me to a room, it was as big as my own,  but boring. The walls were painted gray, the single bed with cage looking headboard had white dressing, the side table was gray and patchy, the lighting was piercing white, and the desk had a few books to read. The room smelled like a dentist's office and so did the boring gray bathroom. I began experimenting with the water temperature and the air conditioning when a psychiatrist entered the ward for evaluation. He blathered on about the new meds he wanted to prescribe me and had me go over the rules as if I was some kind of a child, the whole idea bought my blood to boil but I kept myself composed.

"Mr Keith is there anyone else you would like to call, or does everyone know about this"

"I'll call my girlfriend and daughter actually" 

"Alright then I'll leave you now but I will come back in the future or whenever you need me" 

with that the psychiatrist left the room and Keith sat on the bed pondering on weather to notify them or not. 

I talked to Olivia first who was evidently distressed about my decision. She proceeded to cry but talked to me for as long as she could, I apologized to her about how I felt like I had failed her just like Katherine which made her sadder so I had to stop. She promised to visit me even after me persuading her to move on and forget about me. The emotional weight of the situation was getting to much to bear especially after me going through my journal, the life I had wasted, and how I could have done things better. I tried distracting myself by telling Audrey next who was also distressed and wanted to come to me at that very moment but I had to cut the call because my mind was frying up.

It had only been his first day when he had gotten the attention of the whole hospital by injuring himself publicly. Keith had proceeded to bang his head multiple times in the glass door which lead to alarms going off . The nurses had to restrain him and sedate him for the time being before it was made very clear to the doctor that his situation was worse than he had made it out to be.

I woke up this same day to see blood on my glass door, and my head tightly bandaged with gause and cottons. It all came to me in a flash, I remembered how I banged my head out of rage and frustration. It was all very apparent now, I was so out of my mind and still am that they had to sedate me, and the fact that this is how you are supposed to treat wild animals kills me.

--

Hello , my diary tells me it has been three days since I have been in this place. To this day I debate on weather I am sane or insane but I have figured one thing for sure, something inside me has changed and I finally feel at peace somehow. Some might agree that it's medication but I don't because there is an aspect of me that has changed, I have finally come to accept myself the way I am, some thing just can't be changed. 

I believe that I should let go and surrender. I don't think I would be writing anymore soon, I like it when every day is a new beginning. Olivia, Wilson and Audrey ave regularly been visiting me which makes me feel more at peace. Olivia even has a girlfriend now. It was hard to take in the news at first especially when I saw Lexanie out of nowhere but it brings me joy to know that my daughter is happy now. I chose to live a life of  self acceptance, free of any guilt or regrets.