NOVEMBERLAND: the little shieldmaiden

29

"Why do you think that?" I asked as I had no idea why he would say such a thing.

"I want you to stay here," he said as he looked down at the ground beneath him. "With me," he continued and looked up at me with daring eyes. 

"But Gryffin, I've dreamt of this for years, ever since my teacher told me it in school," I said back, trying to make him understand. "And I've planned this for weeks, I am going."

"Why can't you just stay here, we could be together," Gryffin said and it felt like my body drifted away. He wanted me to stay in Calibur to be with him.

"Gryffin you know that ain't possible," I said as I frowned my brows to make him understand.

"Why can't it be possible?" He asked and walked towards me trying to persuade me. 

"I want to explore Gryffin, I want to see the world!" I argued to try and make him see it from my perspective. But, it did not seem to work. "Your countrymen would also disapprove," I said as I began remembering the norms and laws of Cals. 

"How would they disapprove of you?" he said whilst searching for an answer analyzing my face. 

"The fact that I've been," I stopped, as I realized we were standing outside and I lowered my voice to finish off the sentence, "intimate before marriage." He looked so saddened by the words I was saying, but they needed to be said.  "Besides we would never be equal," I said as I looked away. I did not want to face it but it was in fact true. 

"That is nonsense," he said as I saw the confusion in his eyes. However, I knew that he was aware of the rules. "Of course we would be equals," he outbursted. 

"No we wouldn't Gryffin," I said and looked up at him. 

"Then tell me," he said and crossed his arms and as he raised his eyebrows. 

"As we both are rulers of our own kingdoms, if we were to marry our kingdoms would unite in a way. In Lynrike we would be equal, King and Queen and having the same value. But in Calibur being King is most important and has its benefits. I will only be a Queen having no rights but a title. 

"But we'd have our kingdoms," he said and he spread his hands out on his sides.

"Oh Gryffin, you're not understanding my point. We're not equals because you would get more power. You'll have the power of two, whilst I'd only have the power of one. Even though we are King and Queen of both," I said and walked towards him as I spoke in a calming voice. I placed a hand on his cheek, "and I can't go through with that. I wouldn't be happy nor would you. I'm sorry."

We split both our ways afterwards. I went to bed thinking about the conversation before. We were only so young. I was not ready to settle like this yet. Gryffin would be a great husband, but he did not feel like mine and it did not feel right. I began thinking that in a few months I would be seventeen. When I turned sixteen I had only been in Calibur for a couple of months, un-whitten of what was to come. 

~

The next few days I only saw Gryffin in our mutual meetings. He rarely looked my way so I tried to ignore looking at him too. My intentions were not to hurt him but I had. He basically said that he wanted me to spend the rest of my days with him. But I could not commit, not at this point. 

As we were about to leave a meeting Gryffin asked me to stay back. I hoped that he would speak to me, just like before. But it was the opposite. He wanted to discuss a trading deal in between our kingdoms.