Sinner | Spencer Reid

Chapter 39

Jaella's POV

"It's okay, calm down."

"Alex how the actual frick am I supposed to calm down," I say exasperatedly. "There's a possibility that an embryo is inside my uterus!"

"Jaella Fox you will sort yourself out. You are not allowed to be stressed right now. It's not good for you or.." She trails off.

I finish her sentence in a small voice. "The baby."

Me, pregnant. That doesn't sound right. Would I abort? Would I keep it? Should I be calling it 'it'? What would the father want? Holy shit Spencer. Oh my god. How will he react? I never grew up with a mother. How would I be one? I don't own any of those mothering books. Is there such a thing as mothering books? What would I do with my job? Myself and Spencer both work as agents. Would we get a nanny? Would one of us quit the FBI?

The thought of a family with Spencer brings a smile to my face.

Snap out of it Jaella. You don't even know for certain.

I leave Alex's around five minutes later, ignoring her attempts to make me stay. In reality, it probably would've been a wise decision, but I need to clear my head. When I get back to my apartment I quickly close the door behind me and take off my soaked through clothes. Whilst looking at myself in my bedroom mirror, I observe my stomach, from the front and then from the side. It doesn't seem to have grown in size, but if I was at an early stage, it could be hard to tell.

How far along am I? It hasn't been too long since Spencer and I slept together, but it could be a time before that. I'm so screwed.

Banishing my thoughts, I change into a long t-shirt and get ready for bed. When my head does finally hits the pillow, I fall asleep instantly.

I cradle a beautiful baby with large hazel eyes, that are staring right up at me. I'm completely capsulated by this child. My child. The newborn girl smiles a toothless grin as I stick out my tongue at her. The baby yawns and stretches out her tiny arms, preparing herself for sleep. She finally drifts off and I begin to sway, back and forth.

There's a loud crash from behind me. I whip around but there's nothing there.

No no no it has to be quiet or else the baby will wake up.

Another clattering sound makes me jump, almost alerting the baby.

It's too loud for her to be sleeping.

At the final clattering sound, the young child begins to wail in my arms. I gently shush and coo until she stops, which feel like years.

"Do you want to go see Dada?" I ask in a soothing motherly voice, one I didn't know I had. The baby claps her hands in excitement.

I look around to try and find Spencer but I can't see him. All that I see is white. It seems to keep going on forever, as far as I can see. I watch closely as a figure begins to walk towards us. I smile once I see his eyes, that look just like our child's ones. Suddenly everything turns cold, something feels off. When I look back at Spencer, he has a gun pointed right at our little girl. I watch in slow motion at he pulls the trigger, too fast for me to even move.

I gasp deeply, attempting to suck in air. Hair is stuck to my face as it's drenched in my sweat. I check my surroundings and feel a little bit better once I comprehend that I'm back in my room. One thing is for certain, I have to talk to Spencer. I make my way into the living area where I find my bag from earlier. I retrieve my phone, but then leave it on my lap as I stare aimlessly at the wall for a couple of minutes, digesting everything. And I mean everything; Spencer, our fight, my job, the possible embryo.

I know that it's late, but I call Spencer anyways. I just need to hear his voice. Declined. I waste no time and call JJ, who I just assume is with him. She picks up within seconds.

"Agent Jareau, what can I do?"

"JJ oh thank god," I breathe out, relief flooding my senses.

"Jaella, are you okay?" She asks sounding concerned.

I take a deep breath. "I will be, can you please put me onto Spencer."

"We're in the middle of a case, I'm not too sure-."

I cut her off. "Please JJ, I just need to hear his voice," I plead.

"Okay okay, don't worry. I'm handing you over now."

I hear shuffling at the other end and my heart only beats faster and faster.

"Jaella?"

"Spencer, I-" I cut myself off once I realise that I actually don't know what to say. I can't just tell him over the phone. "I really need to talk to you about something when you get back."

"I'm sorry Jaella. I shouldn't have said all of those untrue things and I should never have accused you of anything. I was going to follow you back to yours but then a case came up and I never got a chance-."

Our fight seems so petty and unnecessary now, even though it's just hours later.

"Don't worry about that Spencer, I just really needed to hear your voice," I croak out, a tear rolling down my cheek. "We can discuss our little kerfuffle when you get back home."

"Are you okay? What's going on?" He asks.

"Oh no nothing, just wanted to call to make sure that everything was okay between us," I lie quickly. Thank god he can't see me right now, otherwise he'd be able to spot my fib immediately.

"I'm glad it is. Sorry but I have to go now."

"That's fine. Talk to you soon," I reply.

The phone is handed back to JJ.

"Alright Jaella, see ya-."

"JJ," I begin in a small yet desperate voice. "How did you feel when you first realised that you might be pregnant with Henry?" I ask.

There's a long pause. "Holy shit, is this what this was about?" She asks incredulously.

"Please I just really need to know because.." My voice breaks as tears now flow freely down my cheeks. "I'm so scared JJ."

I hear her breath deeply. "I was scared Jaella. Really terrified. Feeling completely unprepared," she whispers, obviously trying to make sure that nobody hears our conversation. "No matter how much planning a mother can do, nobody is ever ready. So just take your time, you don't have to make any decisions right now."

I breathe deeply, wiping away the tears. "Thanks, I really needed to hear that."

"Do you mind if I ask, do you know for certain yet?"

"No, not yet," I reply with a shaky voice. "I want to wait until Spencer is back. Still, thanks."

"No problem, now you get yourself to sleep," she orders. "If this is real, and you decide to keep it, you're going to want to sleep as much as you can now."

I let out a much needed laugh. "Goodbye JJ."

"Goodbye."

Two updates in one day. You lucky sods.