Unbreakable Bond (Until it ends)

June 23'20: Last Entry

June 22, 2020 11:04pm

Dear aisha,

I miss you.

I miss you badly.

And I hate you too.

Naalala mo kaya ako? Minsan ba, sumagi ako sa isip mo?

Kasi ako, I can still see you anywhere.

I can still feel you kahit na bigla ka nalang di nagparamdam.

I don't know what happened to you. I am worried, but most of the time, naiintimidate ako sa'yo. I want you, pero feeling ko hindi na tayo magkalevel. Sobrang taas mo na. ThoughI know hindi ka ganoon, hindi ka mata pobre o ano pa man.

I really hope na alam ko kung bakit ka biglang hindi nalang nagparamdam. Ni 'ha' ni 'ho', sana nag-iwan ka man lang ng kahit anong salita na tutuldok sa pagkakaibigan natin. Kasi I am always wondering and wandering.

Sabi ng asawa ko, online ka sa ML (mobile legend). Sabi ko naman impossible. Pinakita niya ito sa akin and I am sure it was you. I just forgot your username pero naisulat ko yun.

Yea, 'cause am really wondering kung kamusta ka na.

But I don't mean to bother you anymore. I know you are happy with the life you have now. Reaching your dreams and living the way you want to be.

I just a past that can never be a present or a future to you. An old friend that will forever be an old friend.

I hate you because I miss you. Siguro nga ako lang ang nag-assume na we have this kind of friendship. 'Cause to me, your real. You are my true friend, hindi nga lang nag last because just like you said, I am already a burden. Sorry for being immature this time.

Because the truth is I needed you. I want to become your burden again. Sharing you things I can hardly bear by myself. Like the old times, I want you to be a friend I can always run to. A friend that never judge me. A friend who juat listen and help me realize where I'm wrong or when I need to stand for my right.

I want a friend that will tell me 'I believe in you.' Because it works shang.

All my life, confidence is my weakness. And above all is self-pity and self hate. But you showed me, I do deserve to be loved. Yea, Jesus Christ did that. And you showed me, how it felt like.

I hate you because I always remembers you and it hurts my feelings when I am thinking about 'did you remember me also'.

Yea, right I your past. And it's where I belong.

I really hope that one day, this book about you will be published. Not for you to read, but for me to remember the friendship we made when I already forgot how it felt to be your friend. And not to bring back the feeling but to remember that in my lifetime, I met a friend who's really a true friend.

I am always hoping in every chapter and pages I wrote in this journal, its the last page.

But on the other hand, I am hoping of more pages of welcoming you home in my heart my friend. Yea, it will never happened.

You said once that when we dream or think of something more than once, the universe will do his job to make it true. And this how exactly you said it: "Pero how I interpret it is the same to having faith. Because when you keep thinking it then you start to believe it will surely happen. It’s equivalent to having faith. And projecting it to the universe means asking God to grant it. 😊"

I dream to see you again, personally, face to face. Talk to you again. But yet, I need to stop because I respected you and your decision. Just give me the period I need to finally close the book.

Because I don't want to be like this forever, longing for you. Because it is hurting me already.

Please. I hope this is a goodbye.