my best mistake~jaden h.

story 2 chapter 5

dear daughter,

i'm not going to lie to you sweetheart. i really am going to try not too, so that's why i'm telling you these things. today was a hard day, a really hard day. I honestly don't know how much longer i have until i pass away. it doesn't feel like it's going to be a long, to me at least.

to me it feels like i only have a week or two, and at this point i'm ready. i know that's something i shouldn't be saying but it's true. the pain i feel on a daily basis and they heart aches i get. i'm ready to go, i've had my time on this earth.

i've had my moments on this earth that i will never forget. i had far share of love and friendships with people. i've had my laughs and my arguments and i know now that i'm ready. i've left behind a beautiful baby girl who is going to grow up in a home with her mother.

the last time i wrote you i was scared of the unknown,but i think know i'm more excited. for the new beginning, the new chances and the new experiences. wherever i am whatever i'm doing, i know i'm going to be be ready for it. No matter what happens to me.

i've had my lowest moments i've ever had going threw this. i know if you ask your mom she'll say i was strong. That's probably her trying to make you think i wasn't hurting. that i wasn't in pain when i passed away. What she won't tell you is the times where i was horrible.

the times when i would scream for her to just kill me because i didn't want to be here. the times i would lay in the shower and cry because of how much pain i was in. the times i would lay still in bed and think about what i would look like if i was dead. The times i thought of ending it all because of the pain.

What kept me here was your mother, and her hope. God i love her so much, really i do, and without her i would probably be laying in a pool of my own blood by now. she's my best friend, my soul mate and the love of life. i don't know if she will ever know that, mainly cause i'm to scared to admit that to her.

When i first starting writing this stuff i didn't think it was going to help me. i thought it was just for you to remember me, but i was wrong. Writing this make some of my days feel a lot netter. Granted i have to take breaks every 7 sentences cause i get so tired. Yes i get that tired cause of writing something.

god i'm gonna miss you, even if i don't meet you. i know i will, i can just tell that i'm gonna miss you. your an absolute angel and i hope you grow up like your mother. just not like me cause i'm an actual asshole. ( asshole means candy bar <3 ) anyways i love you so so much.

i don't know if this will be my last letter but if it is, you mean something baby girl. don't let anyone tell you differently, okay. no matter how hard your days get or how angry you get. your so much more than who you think you are. Please don't look at yourself in the mirror and say you see something ugly.

please grow up loving yourself and please never forget your worth. your worth the world baby, and if someone can't see that, then there trash. bring them down to hell i'll take care of them for you. I love you, have a amazing life.

make memories that no one will ever get to create. make your own story, and make sure your happy, and when your not, im brace it. Don't push it away, let it out and let all that pain go away. i won't be there to help you so your gonna have to do that one on your own.

give your mom a kiss for me.

all the love in the world,
Jaden.

authors note: okay in all honesty i just made myself cry while writing this. Mainly cause i'm listening to surrender while writing and it's not fun. don't worry though this isn't the end! i have 3 more parts in my head, i love you guys. have a nice night :)