Nothing to lose

Chapter 32: Greyson

Mia averted her eyes. "Grey, I wanted to tell you. I was going to as soon as I decided what I wanted to do. I just..." She closed her eyes and took a breath.

I crossed my arms against my chest. We never kept secrets like this from each other.

"You mean you were going to tell me after you decided to go off and travel with your mom." I laughed bitterly. "It's just like you to run off when things get serious."

Mia's eyes flew to mine, and she rapidly shook her head.

"It's not like that," she argued.

"Then what's it like?" I paused, waiting for her to answer. When she didn't, I continued. "I know you. You push me away whenever we get serious, or I get close. While you don't verbally give me an excuse, you do find a way to completely ignore the fact that something happened between us and return to being good ole besties with me." I shook my head.

Mia toyed with the loose hem of her shirt. "I was afraid," she mumbled.

"And you think I'm not?" I fired back.

"You didn't let me finish!" she shouted. "As much as I swear I know you, I was always afraid I wouldn't be enough for you. I was afraid to take it too far because what if you suddenly decided that being in a relationship with me wasn't what you wanted anymore." She swallowed, then cleared her throat. "I was afraid I'd be like every other girl you've been with, like every hobby or obsession that temporarily kept your interest before you moved on from them."

I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. I wasn't expecting Mia to say something like that.

"You know the best part about this summer deal?" Her eyes glanced up at mine, but then they settled on the logo in the middle of my t-shirt. "I felt like even if you changed your mind about us, at least I could say I got to spend the summer with the guy I've always wanted to be with. Knowing that you were mine for just a brief moment in time would make my life. "

"Mia," her name came out gravelly as it passed my lips.

"Why do you always seem to be chasing the next big thing, and what happens when I'm no longer a part of that dream?" Mia asked, her brown eyes turbulent.

"You always will be. That's why I wanted the chance to prove it. Did you ever think that maybe this isn't just about me and my so-called forever-changing hobbies? That maybe you have a bit of a problem too with that fact you're afraid to let people in fully?"

Mia scoffed like my judgment was off.

"And it all started when your mom left," I said.

When her jaw dropped, she rushed to say, "Don't bring her into this!"

"It's the truth. You grew up loving her just as much as you love your dad, but the minute she left, you were unbearably hurt. You swore you would never forgive her. Now she's barging in and asking for some kind of relationship with her daughter. But you're so hurt from the past that you can't even consider it."

Two massive steps forward, and Mia was up in my face. As angry as I was with her, something in me wanted to hold her close and makeup. "And what about you? You gonna pretend this didn't all start after your father died?"

"That's different!" I growled.

"Different how? You're practically walking in his footsteps."

I sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose.

"You can't be him, Greyson," Mia added.

"Why not! Why can't I tour with my band and live life to the fullest? He had everything to lose, and he still went out of his way to be a hero and lost his life."

It had been the last day of his American world tour. Dad was heading out to his tour bus when he heard some screams. He went over, running, and saw that one of the fans he had just met backstage was getting assaulted. Dad being Dad, swooped in like a hero to save her. But he didn't know that the guy had a gun. He shot him when they started to fight. The guy ran off, leaving Dad with a deadly wound to the chest.

When they rushed him to the hospital, there wasn't much time left for him.

Mom and I had gotten there a little too late.

I remember the last conversation with Dad, and I will forever be grateful that it was a good one. But I could never get over it because it was the very last one. Never mind that he told me he was proud of me for doing well in school and that he was happy. I always tried to make mom smile when she seemed sad about him being away. Never mind that we both said, "I love you" and "I'll see you soon." It hurts to replay the conversation in my head, knowing I could still hear his voice so clearly in my mind, and that's what I'd have for the rest of my life. I should be happy that my memories of him haven't faded, yet it's still bittersweet.

"I'm still alive. I can try anything I want, be anything I want. I have nothing to lose." That might sound like I was willing to take any risks with or without consequences, which would be true. Living on the edge became something to fill that space Dad left behind. And a part of me wanted to surpass him in a way that would make him happy.

I had to try everything. I had to be everything. I knew this would become a problem, but not to the extent that it would affect my future with Mia.

"You have your mom. You have your friends. You have me."

I shook my head. "I'm not sure I even have you."

And with those words, I did one of the most irrational things I could think of.

"I need some air," I told Mia before walking out the front door.