My Story of Trichotillomania

How I started

I was in the 6th grade. It was my first day of school. The table I was at had a couple of girls. We all decided to be friends. For the purpose of their privacy, I will call them, Trixie, Gigi, Brooklyn, and Venessa and a couple more who aren't important to the story. The people I had the strongest relationships with were Trixie and Brooklyn, but mostly Trixie. And it wasn't long until I developed a crush on one of my longtime guy acquaintance, who so happened to be in my home room. For the purpose of his privacy I will be calling him, Garret. I told Trixie, Gigi, and Brooklyn, all of them were chill with it. This is going to sound pretty f*ed up but I started to rub at my lashes so I could get an eyelash so I could blow it and make a wish (to be with Garret.) it was "under control" if that makes any sense. I started to hang out with Brooklyn more and started to realize me and her had a lot in common. I started to hangout with her more, which mean she also hung out with Garret.

From the very beginning, she told me that she thought Garret was gross and that she would never be interested. Soon she started talking to me less and talked to Garret more. At this point, I started to rub at my eyebrows too, asking for wanting more wishes. Soon the seating chart changed and I was placed next to Brooklyn and Garret. At this point non of them were talking to me. And I just let it happen, I started talking to Trixie more and to this day she is my closest friend. One day me and Trixie Were going to class and the entire squad is surrounding Brooklyn, I asked what was going on and Brooklyn was hesitant to tell me, but Gigi told me, said "She's going to ask out Garret!" I could feel my hear shatter in to two. I could see in my Peripheral vision Trixie staring at me mouth wide open knowing what was going on. Trixie said "Are you guy retarded? Audball had a crush on him since the beginning of the grade! That's like girl code 101! Don't date BFFs crush." Brooklyn rolled her eyes. I stopped Trixie and said It was fine. Trying to keep my woobly smile.

Brooklyn look shocked, "you would actually let me date him?" I nodded still trying to keep a smile on my face. She then told me in grave detail how she was going to ask him. Keep in mind we still sat at the same table with Garret. So I witnessed her asking him to be her boyfriend. I remember crying in the bathroom plucking out my eyelashes trying to get a wish any wish. I remember crying so much in gym class that they asked me what was going on. I gave them some petty excuse that wasn't the actual reason. But I remember because of that moment I started to pluck my eyelashes instead of rub them.

The next day, I had an assignment that we had to pick out a group for. The teacher picked me Brooklyn and Trixie. I was researching the entire time. And Trixie and Brooklyn talked to each other. Brooklyn said "oh my god! Me and Garret are totally hitting it off. He texted me, everything I don't think I love you, you say something that makes me fall for you all over again." Trixie gave her a disapproving glare and grabbed me and the computer to a across the hall. Where she finished the project and I cried in the bathroom. plucking my eyelashes and eyebrows. To the point when I closed my eyes it hurt. Thinking about it now makes me cry. I stopped hanging out with them, because I didn't want to hurt myself anymore. I eventually made a new friend who eventually became an ex, and an ex friend. But even with them I still started pulling. In the end my eye lashes and eyebrows where completely sparse. And then suddenly I got a letter from Brooklyn saying "her and Garret are drifting apart" and she wants me back as a friend. It gave me hope, so I told her I put her through a test. I didn't tell her but I told my best friend Venessa to see if her and Garret are actually drifting apart. Venessa found out that she was lying and told me. To where I told her I have the test results I just have to write it down on paper. She responded "Omg I cant wait! If I don't pass I'll ruin the persons life who did the test." I'm not even kidding. So I just laughed and I wrote the testing saying that she failed the test. And such and such. I gave it to her the next day.

She started listing out people who she thought constructed the test. None of them were right and I even if it was right I never told there name. In the end all of my sketchbook are filled with eyelashes and eyebrow hair. It's really sad to revisit but it's all in the past now. To think it all started with a disgusting desire to make a wish...

(I should probably clarify, I didn't really think the wish thing would work, I was just really desperate to make Garret love me :/ )

-Yours Truly

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