Letters I've Sent (l.s)

Hey mate,

Hey mate,

I'm sorry for letting you down. I know I'm a horrible person because you left because of me. It's my fault that I never noticed how you were changing right before my eyes. I hate how I'm so oblivious.

I've never felt so alone without you here. I feel as if I'm missing a piece of my life because you left. Well, I bet the rest of the lads feel like that too.

Louis is the worst, it's like he can't function without you. I'm really worried about him beause all he does is sit in his room and stare at old pictures of you and him as he cries silently. The only emotions he shows are pain, sorrow, and regret. He think that he's the reason that you left. He beats himself up because he never saved you. He isn't the Louis that we know and love anymore. He's this fragile boy who starts sobbing whenever he thinks of you.

Niall is pretty bad as well. He doesn't eat unless we force him to, but he usually just vomits it back up when he gets back to his room. He sits in his room a lot and looks at his guitar as he thinks. I don't know what he thinks about, but I'm pretty sure it's about you. Remember when you started wearing bracelets and Niall thought it was this cool fashion thing, so he started making his own to wear? He has started to do that more often. He never found out the real reason that you wore them until that one day when we all got that call from Louis.

Liam has stopped talking to us completely. He writes a lot now, he's filled up about two journals already. I tried to talk to him once, and he started sobbing and screamed at me to go away. He reads some of your journals too, occasionally. He goes on runs a lot now. Remember when the fans used to call him fat? This is why he runs now. He skips meals quite often as well. Sometimes I'm the only one at the dinner table in the evening. He always has this dead look in his eyes. He doesn't sing anymore either.

As for me, I've had to stop writing this several times because I couldn't control my crying. I've become a mess as well. I don't sing anymore either, but I do catch myself looking at the piano in the den quite a lot. I find myslef looking in your closet too, even though that is quite creepy. I smoke more often now than I did before. Usually after I've had a big crying fit. And if I don't feel better after a smoke, I'll just get drunk and forget all about why I'm sad. But it still eventually comes back and haunts me, day after day.

I miss you Harry. I just don't think I can live like this anymore.

I've been thinking of leaving the band, and management thinks it's best that we're not a band anymore either.

I'm sorry, but it breaks my heart to be around the lads while they look as horrible as I do.

I hope you're having fun in heaven,

Zayn