Are you here?|Zauren

AYH?-2

"Lauren," my mom knocked on my open bedroom door. My family thought it'd be best that I stayed with them for a while until things simmered down for me. I hadn't been home since the morning after I found out. I wanted it all to be a dream, and I was ready to wake up.

I glanced at my mom. "Are you ready?" she asked. Everyone had been talking to me so softly, as if I would have a mental breakdown if they used regular tones with me. I shrugged. What was I supposed to say. "Yeah mom, I'm ready to go watch the love of my life be buried six feet underground, let's do this!"

My mother let out a sigh and walked over to me squeezing me in a hug, and it didn't matter how great I was at holding in my emotions, the moment my parents hugged me I lost all hints of emotional control that I had.

"It's hard. It's hard, I know," she rubbed down my back as I sobbed against her shoulder. Every sob, I felt like I could feel my heart losing a piece. "Do you want me to make you something to eat?" she asked. I shook my head and sniffled. I looked down at the tile floor.

"Please? Eat something. You haven't eaten anything all week." The concern and worry in her voice added to my pain. I didn't want to see other people hurting, but I couldn't just snap my hurt away.

"I'm not hungry," I shrugged. My mothers eyes widened when she heard me speak. I hadn't done that all week either.

"I'll be downstairs waiting, okay?" she carressed my cheek and left my room.

I dragged my feet to the full length mirror on my closet doors and took in my reflection. The girl looking back at me was exhausted and despite the make-up she forced herself to put on her eyes were still red and puffy, and the hour she struggled putting an attempt into her hair, it still looked disheveled. The last time I wore a little black dress, I was going out on a date with Zayn, and now three weeks later I'm going to his funeral.

I not only had to mentally prepare myself to see Zayn's body laying there in a casket, when he should be laying beside me in bed, but I had to also prepare myself to be in a room full of grieving people, and to see his family again. The last time they came for a visit was three months ago, and they were trying to get Zayn and I to get married. I took a really deep breath and grabbed a pack of tissues shoving them into my bag. I can't believe all of this is happening.

"I can't do it," I shook my head when my father stopped the car in the parking lot of the church. "Everyone in there is feeling the same way, Lauren. You aren't alone," my younger sister Taylor said. My younger brother Chris nodded. "Yeah, and it doesn't matter which way you turn, there is gonna be a shoulder for you to lean on."

After a few more encouraging words, I was able to gather myself up and follow them inside. I stopped in the doorway, as they stood in line to view Zayn's body. It was like I was in a sea of black. I looked straight ahead and saw his mom and dad standing beside his casket, thanking people for their support, and not one person that walked away from hos casket had a dry eye. Even if they didn't know Zayn personally, he still managed to touch them. His mother noticed me as she hugged my best friend, Normani and she made her way over to me. Zayn's three sisters saw her and followed.

"Lauren! I am so so sorry!" A four of them wrapped their arms around me and I started to cry again. "I'm so sorry," I wiped away tears, but they just kept on sliding down.

"That was my boy," his mom looked as though the grief made her age ten years. "That was my boy," she repeated and shook her head.

"I miss him so much.." Safaa, his youngest sister cried. I nodded my head. I was too distraught to find some words.

"We all do," Doniya said.

"Are you going to see him?" Waliyha, his middle sister asked, gesturing over. I shrugged and rubbed my arm. "I want to, but I don't," I shrugged again, choking on my words. The lump in my throat was making itself at home there. "I don't know if I have the strength to do that.. I miss him so much." They hugged me again and told me to take as much time as I needed.