Are you here?|Zauren

AYH?-6

I was in the middle of making breakfast the day after my incident with Dinah and Normani. Zayn was making a beat on the table in tune with the indie music playing on the speaker. I was swaying along to the music as I put eggs on a plate for myself and some bacon. It was around lunch time but I had a craving for breakfast. It killed me that I couldn't offer Zayn any because he said he couldn't eat.

My phone was ringing and I walked over to it and saw that it was my father. I placed it on speaker and answered. "Daddy, hey," I said popping some bacon into my mouth.
"Hey, how are you?" he asked. The tone is his voice sounded concerned.
"I'm okay.. just eating breakfast."
"At this time?"
"You know I love my breakfast foods."
"Trust me I know.. hey, do you think you can stop by later? We all miss your face."
"I can do that, yeah. I miss you guys too." I took a bite from a strip of bacon.
"You sound pretty chipper."
I shrugged. "Well you know, somedays I have my highs and other days are my lows."
"I know, well I'll let you get back to your brunch and I love you and I'll see you later."
"Ditto, see ya." I hung up, and placed my phone on the counter.

"I can't wait to see your family," Zayn said with a smile on his face.
"Yeah, I just wish that they could see you," I said finishing the bacon strip.

I pulled up in front of my parents house and noticed a few familiar cars. "That's Louis' car isn't it?" I pointed. Zayn squinted his eyes and then nodded.
"Looks like it."
"What the fuck?" I thought.

I already had a key to the house, so I unlocked the door and headed in. "What the hell?" Zayn questioned.
"Is there a reunion going on here? You guys forgot to shout surprise," I laughed.

All of Zayn's best friends from the states were here, and all of my best friends, and my parents, brother and sister.

"Lauren.." my mom began. Her tone was extremely serious. It wasn't the cautious, soft voice she'd been using to tip toe around things when Zayn had first passed away. This voice was full of worry. The smile I had on my face simmered down.

"Wait.. is this like some sort of intervention?" I accused.
"Lauren, just sit down," my dad said.
"I'm not sitting anywhere but my car.. I'm leaving." I tried to go but my brother, Chris ran to the door and blocked it, and there was no way I could make a run for the back door without another block.

"Just listen," Zayn said. I turned around to look at him.
"No! I'm not listening to anything they have to say." Instantly my mother started to cry.
"I told you.." Camila frowned.

I turned back to the small crowd.
"We're worried about you Lauren. Camila and Harry witnessed you talking to yourself a couple of weeks ago, and Dinah and Normani said you were having a conversation with yourself yesterday," my dad said.
"If you guys don't let me leave-" I was fuming, my hands were balled in fists at my side.

"Lauren. Calm down, little one," Zayn said. He had hurt in his voice, much like everyone else.
"I'm not calming down! I'm tired of them thinking I'm crazy! There is nothing wrong with me! I can see you. Why won't they believe me? I can hear you. I can feel you," I turned back to my family and friends. "Why won't you guys believe me?"

"Honey.. we want you to get checked out. We want you to get better. We know you miss Zayn, and we all miss him too but this isn't healthy," my mom said wiping away tears with a balled up tissue.
"What's not healthy? Huh?" I questioned throwing my arms up.
"The way you're grieving," Taylor said.
"You guys just don't get it.. he's right here! I can't stress that enough."

I looked at Zayn and he had the hint of tears in his eyes. "Don't cry.. I'm the one that should be crying," I said to him.

"We need to get you help, Lauren," Ally said.
"Schizophrenia once ran on your moms side of the family.." my dad softly said.
"You think I'm schizophrenic?!" I nearly screamed.
"If it's not that then it's definitely gotta be something else," Chris said from behind me. I turned around to glare at him and he walked right past me and through Zayn, and Zayn didn't even flinch and that's when it hit me that maybe I was slowly losing my mind.

"You aren't here.." I suddenly said to Zayn. He furrowed his eyebrows and placed his hands on my arms. "Little one, yes I am. You know I am."
"No you aren't. If you were why can I only see you? Why can't everyone else be happy that you're back," I sobbed, tears were streaming down my face. I heard sniffles and loud sobs behind me and knew that my family and friends had broken down. I felt a hand on my shoulder and when I turned to see who it was, it was Camila. "We want you to get better," she said wrapping her arms around me as I cried.

Fast foreward to a few hours and I was sat down in some doctors office in a mental health unit about to get tested for a mental disorder that I didn't have. I just came here to shut my parents up. "I'm not crazy... I'm not crazy.." I repeated under my breath and just the mere gesture had me feeling otherwise. Maybe I was crazy. Maybe I was hallucinating Zayn this whole time because he is everything I wanted back. Maybe Miss Henrietta did drug those brownies and I was having the most out of this world trip.

"Hey Lauren. I'm Dr. Kember," the old man in his white lab jacket said walking in. I didn't respond to him. I just stared. "It says here that you're being checked today for possible schizophrenia because you show some schizophrenic behaviour. Are you her dad?"
"I am," he said.
"What kind of stuff is she doing?" he questioned.
"She thinks she sees her boyfriend who passed away a few weeks ago. She has full out conversations with "him"" My dad did airquotes when he did that and it made me sick. I rolled my eyes, and glanced at the exit. "She claims she can touch him and-"
"I can!" I shot back. I ran my hand down my face. "This is frustrating."
"Is he here right now?" Dr. Kember said. I looked around and he wasn't here.
"No.."

I took a breath and I started to freak out that maybe when I said he wasn't really here and that I'm just crazy, that he vanished.

Dr. Kember and his team of psycho analysts ran more than a few tests on me and told me the results the next afternoon as I layed wrists strapped to an uncomfortable bed that I didn't have schizophrenia as everyone feared. They said they weren't sure why I was hallucinating and sometimes people "hallucinate" to find closure in their lives and they gave me pills that would "calm" me down when I was feeling riled up.

"Told you I wasn't crazy.." I said staring out the window on the car ride back home. My dad didn't say anything in response to that. I know he still thinks I'm crazy and that maybe the doctors were just having an off day at diagnosing, which is ridiculous. "I'm not crazy.." I muttered to myself staring out the window. The rest of the car ride was full of silence. It was as if my dad felt like he didn't know me anymore.. his own daughter. I felt like everyone was tiptoeing around me like I was a ticking time bomb.

My dad allowed me to drive in my own car back to my apartment but he followed me, then told me he was going to have Camila and Harry spend the night there. I told him I didn't need anyone and he told me he didn't care.

When I pushed open my apartment door, Zayn was sitting on the couch. "Zayn!" I excitedly called out and ran toward him and embraced him. He was still cold, and he still smelled amazing. "I'm not crazy. They ran tests and told me that I'm not crazy." Zayn didn't seem so excited about the news that excited me.

"What's wrong?" I asked. "And why weren't you there with me? Why'd you leave me there?"
"The other day you told me that I wasn't really there and that hurts me. Don't you think if I could be visible to everyone that I would? And it sucks that everyone can comfort you and I can't."
"I didn't mean that.. everyone was just against me and I don't-" I shook my head. "I don't know they were trying to get in my head. I know you are here. And yes you can comfort me. You always do."
"But it's not the same. I'm cold to the touch. That's not comforting."
"Zayn, how many times do I have to tell you that I don't care? Yes. Yes you are cold, but I'm used to it now."
"I don't want you to be used to cuddling with your boyfriends ghost."
"Kindred spirit," I corrected him. Zayn smirked. "And I'm okay with it, as long as I still have you here."