Just like heaven

30 | cut

Mouth so sweetly telling lies
I wish you felt the way that I still do
The way that I still do
But you don't
You don't feel anymore
You don't care anymore
It's all gone

●☆●☆●☆●

 Shawn watches as Camila paces back and forth in her living room, her hand messing her hair nervously. He can tell she’s anxious about what’s about to happen and so is he, things could go exactly how they want or the complete opposite, but they wouldn’t know until a couple of hours.

 “ Mila.” He says taking her hand as she walks in front of him. “ That’s not going to help.”

 He pulls her to the couch, where he’s sitting down, and makes her sit on his lap. His hand places a strand of her head behind her ear as she looks at him in silence. He wished he could do more to calm her down, so she wouldn’t suffer this much.

 “ I know, but I can’t help it.” She says quietly as she finally rests her head on his chest, his hands around her waist making her relax under his touch. “ What if he gets away with it?”

 It was finally the day for the jury to decide and the judge give Jake a sentence if that was the case, so she was a nerve wreck, knowing this could go both ways. Shawn has been trying to be there for her the best he could, but he was just as nervous as her over the thought of having him be considered innocent. Of course he didn’t want her to see he was just as insecure about it as her, so he would try to convince her there was no way he would get away, because that’s what he wants to believe as well.

 “ Try not to think about that. I know it’s almost impossible, but it’s what your mind needs at the moment.” He says rubbing her back while his chin rests on the top of her head.

 She stays in silence for a long time and then he notices she fell asleep in his arms as they wait for her parents to get home. She hadn’t had a good night of sleep in a long time, but everytime Shawn is there with her, she seems to relax immediately. He holds her in his arms as one of his hands draws small circles on her back, but his eyes start to close at some point too. Next thing he knows, he’s waking up still holding Camila as the front door opens and Sinu finds them on the couch, telling them is time to go. He wakes her up and she seems fine at first, but once she remembers where they’re going, her expression goes back to what it was before their brief forty minutes of sleep.

 The court room seems even more crowded than the other times they had to go there, seems like everyone in town wants to know the outcome of the story, it’s the only thing everyone has been talking about for months. As time passed and people heard Camila’s version of what happened that night, more and more people were taking her side and believing her. Shawn had heard from some guys on the basketball team that Jake had lost all of the scholarship offers he had from big universities because of the case, but he still thinks that doesn’t begin to cover the damage he made in Camila’s life.

 Since Jake is about to complete eighteen years old in a couple of months and due to the extending of what he’s being accused of, the case was transferred to the adult court, which means that if considered guilty, he’ll have a way more severe penalty than if the case was being prosecuted in a juvenile court. The case was focusing mostly in whether Camila had consented or not, considering Jake couldn’t deny something happened at that party because there were a lot of witnesses and he’d had also confirmed to a bunch of people back then that he had sex with Camila. So, the decision was basically depending on which part had convinced better the jury.

 Shawn can see Camila struggling to focus on what is being said by the judge, so he takes her hand from where he is and she seems to finally release the breath she was holding. Once the jury walks out to make their decision, everyone seems on edge, but Camila can’t even say a word to anyone. Shawn holds Camila as they sit with their families in the hallway, waiting for the final plead, and he can feel how her hands are shaking on his, her feet going up and down nervously on the wood floor. As they go back inside, Shawn squeezes her hand while the jury enters and one of the women finally say out loud their decision.

 “Guilty.” That’s the only word they can process out of the whole sentence the woman just said. Shawn can see Camila’s tears falling freely down her face as he and her parents hold her tightly, and soon enough the judge is telling Jake his penalty. Four years, the last two in probation if having good behavior during the first half. His parents will also have to compensate Camila for any expenses directly related to the crime, which in this case the judge determined as therapy and attorney’s fees, plus a restraining order for once he’s out.

 Holding Camila in his arms at that moment, Shawn knows that’s not even close to what he made her go through, but at least that’s something. They were scared he wasn’t even going to be considered guilty by the jury, so this feels like a victory for the time being.

●☆●☆●☆●

 Camila has been avoiding looking at Jake in court for the last couple of months, but she can’t help but watch him being handcuffed and taken by the police officers. She thought this would bring her some peace of mind, but she just feels like the whole process broke her even more, it made everything more real for her.

 “ Mila.” She hears Shawn’s voice as they wait for her parents next to the entrance of the building. “ How are you feeling?”

 “ I don’t know.” She says quietly as they watch Hailee and Luke walking to where they are.

 “ That’s okay. It’s a lot to process.” He says taking her face in both of his hands and placing a kiss on her forehead before holding her.

 “ I thought I would be happy. Shouldn’t I be happy that he’s paying for it?” She whispers against his chest and he can tell she’s confused by her own feelings.

 “ Of course not. He’s paying for it because that are consequences to his actions, but you’re free to feel however you need to feel. That was a long and exhausting process for you, it’s okay for you to feel like this.” Shawn says before his sister and Luke finally stop next to them. He knows the whole thing just made Camila relive that night over and over again, he just hopes she’ll be able to feel okay now that it’s over.

 Once Camila lifts her head up to talk to her friends, she spots someone she wasn’t expecting to see by the end of the hallway. A pair of green eyes under dark lashes stares back at her, some dried tears on the light skin under it. She tells her friends she needs to use the restroom, but when Hailee offers company, she says she wants to be alone for a few minutes.

 Entering the white, but not so clean, lady’s room, she stares back at the mirror. Her eyes are puffy and red, mascara all over her face, she’s a mess. The door opens and the person she was waiting for, entered and stared at her through the large mirror.

 “ I’m so sorry.” She hears Lauren whispering from behind her. “ I know that doesn’t even begin to cover what you went through because of me, but you have to believe me.”

 “ I wanted to hear that for so long.” Camila says after a long moment of silence, turning around and looking at her former best friend. “ But now it’s too late.”

 “ Please, Mila. I know I messed up really bad. Just give me another chance.” Lauren says walking closer to her, but Camila turns around and moves away.

 “ I was your best friend, Lauren. How could not notice something was off? How could you not trust me? How could you believe his word against mine?” Camila says feeling angry. “ I can tell you’re sorry and I forgive you, but I don't want to be your friend anymore. I can’t. I was feeling miserable for months because of what you did. I know this is mainly his fault, but you also had a part on making me feel like shit.” She knows Lauren, it must have taken her so much to admit she’s wrong and apologize, but that doesn’t erase everything she had to went through because of her.

 Camila walks to the sink and washes her face, then takes some paper towels and walks to the door drying her face, throwing the paper in the trash on her way out. She doesn’t hate Lauren for it, she just needs time before thinking about everything, which will take a lot longer than she wished it would.