The Beautiful Wedding

The Theory of Condiments (11)

As the two of you drive, you notice that Guy seems to be staring at the sky a lot. 

"Guy?" you call. No answer. He begins to drive carelessly. "Guy!" you call again. No answer. He crashes into a few fire hydrants and you freak out. "Guy!" you scream. 

"Oh...." his driving returns back to normal. "Sorry." you notice that he begins to grin, but his eyes are still locked to the sky. "Do you know what this shirt is made out of?"

"What?" you reply.

"Boyfriend material." he laughs. You laugh nervously along with him. Suddenly, he turns to you in surprise.

"Oh, sorry! I wasn't talking to you!" he says.

"Who were you talking to, then?" you ask uncertainly.

"The moon." he answers. 

"Oh." you say, staring at him with a blank expression. You see a tear forms at his right eye. "Are you alright?" you ask.

"I'm sorry I can't make you happy." he begins sob while you sit there awkwardly, hoping that he doesn't crash into anymore fire hydrants. Too late, he crashes into another five.

He begins to scream, "I'm sorry I can't make you happy!". You clutch onto the armrest.

"Guy! Calm down! It's okay, I like you for who you are!"

"No!" he yells. "I see the way you look at me! You don't like me!"

"Guy, it's your imagination!"

"No!" he screams louder than before, losing more control of driving the car.

"Guy! Look we're at the movies! You can stop now!" you yell over the roaring engine.

"Oh" he mumbles. "Okay."

He parks the car and both of you enter the theatre, taking your seats in the front row to watch Sharknado in 3D. Halfway into the movie, as the tornados are swirling around and flinging things out into the audience. You see an onion heading towards your mouth. As a fat American, you wait there with your mouth open, awaiting the yummy onion. Almost as if it were a real onion, it goes down your throat and hits the pit of your stomach. You think....

a) It was just the amazing special effects of the movie!

b) You were just hungry so you imagined the movie giving you an onion.

c) a & b

After the movie, Guy drops you off at your house. You plan to kiss him before he leaves. 

"Guy!" you call to him, standing at your doorstep. Of course he's hypnotized by the moon, but he notices your call.

"Yes?" he says, walking over to you, still looking at the moon.

"That was an amazing movie! I really had fun tonight...." you say, leaning in for a kiss.

"Me too." he says, leaning in as well. 

Just as your lips were about to touch, you feel an awkward feeling in your stomach.

Not again. You think.