Here Lies...

Sweet Release Of Redemption

Tord

I wonder if it's what I said.

No, it's definitely what I said. But, I thought I said all the right things. Did I phrase it wrong? God dammit. Is life ever gonna be less confusing for me?

I sat in my room with unpacked boxes surrounding my bed. It was getting late, as the sun was coming down, an assortment of colors filling the sky. I loved watching the colors dance together ever since I was little. I don't exactly know the reason for it, but I never stopped to wonder.

I let out a deep breath, opening the window and inhaling the fresh air. My head rested on the windowsill as I felt the breeze brush against my face. 

The wind felt as though it was begging for me to fall into a deep slumber. It weighed my eyelids down and made the random colors in the sky turn into a relaxing song. 
It was a song I recognize, but didn't know the words to. Perhaps it didn't have words. And maybe just a beautiful melody. 

My body got heavy. Gravity was forcing me asleep now. Pushing me under my own consciousness and into a cold void. The void I've been familiar with for my whole life. Just the place I always retreat to when I lack the sense of accomplishment and wonder that resides in dreams.  

But...then the void stopped. 
It lost it's space-like essence to it and began to create an actual plain of existence. Instead of floating endlessly, I stood on soft summer grass, my socks nuzzling into the blades of green.

I observed my surroundings, and found that I was standing in a field. A field seemingly in the middle of nowhere.
As I walked around, constantly being hit with that warm breeze, I noticed more and more things. I saw a neighborhood far out in the distance, a neighborhood that I knew all too well. Especially the blue house closest to my view. But I didn't know how the house and the neighborhood were familiar to me, I just...had a feeling. The sort of nostalgic feeling you get when you recognize I smell, but just can't recall where it came from. 

I found a path shortly after noticing the houses. It was odd because the path was cut off by weeds and grass and seemed to just start in the middle of the field. Despite the shady pathway, I continued forward, the only way I could go.

I walked quite a distance, listening to dragonflies brush past the various wild flowers hidden in the tall grass. A lovely smell filled the air, it was like inhaling a peaceful cloud send down from the sky.  At a certain point, the grass along the path became more damp from past rains. It even smelt like rain.
My legs felt lighter and lighter as I continued farther and farther down the pathway, to the point where I was practically floating above ground.

I was starting to think the path was endless, until I reached a large clearing a few feet away from me. 
It was odd how I almost so easily missed the very sight of the clearing. It felt like I had just walked over the horizon, just where the small patch of open land was hiding. A strange thing to imagine, but at the same time, extraordinary.

There was only a small fold-up chair in the space, with a small bundle of forget-me-nots sitting in the chair. A photo album rests on top of the flowers. It was opened to a page near the end of the album, all empty except for a letter:
 Dear Edd, Matt, and Maddie,

You'll be happy to know that I'm feeling a lot better now, my head doesn't ache as much, and my stomach doesn't burn like it used to. My physiatrist, Irwin, prescribed me with a new medicine to help with the pain. He said it was one he practically invented, but you know him, just as goofy as ever. He calls them K0.L-T0n, short for, Keep Only Lost Thoughts On Nights. I found it as an odd name, considering he wrote it in a weird fashion, but I don't mind it much. 

I don't know how much time I have left. Despite my best efforts to fight through it, I can't feel any sort of hope left for me. This poison in my brain is slowly killing me. No more heaving through these old, worn out lungs, or cracking my skull, I'm all rust now. 

The doctors said I could stay in the fields for a while, if you need me, I could be there.

 I wish you all well, and don't worry about me, I'll be happy out there with Tord. Good luck through the rest of the world, you guys can do that for me, right?

-Tom

Tom.
I wonder if this is really a dream, or maybe just a memory.
As curious as I was, I didn't bother going through the rest of the album, not any of my business, even in dreams.

Upon further inspection of the open field around me, I noticed a smaller patch in the tall grass where it cleared out. I couldn't quite see what was there exactly, since tall grass wrapped around the form crushing separate blades of grass.

I felt my body move towards it, without any thought about it. I wasn't in control of my own body.
My heart pounded louder and louder the closer I got. I couldn't tell if it was from fear or excitement. 

I began to feel tense, and unsure, but my body continued to move. 
The invisible force controlling my body, made me peer into the small area in the grass.

To my surprise, I saw Tom. Well, not exactly Tom, he was older, just a little older than all the other times I saw him before. With small tints of grey in his hair and light bags under his eyes.

He held a small paper in his hands. I could only read the words, Diagnosis: Autoimmune Disease.

He looked up at the sky, breathing steadily. 
Tom set the paper down at his side, where I could read the slip of paper more clearly. Current State: Fatal

One thought came to mind when I read those words, death.

This is where Tom dies, isn't it?
I felt my heart ache, this wasn't a memory I wanted to see. A memory. If this is a memory, how am I seeing him, and why isn't he seeing me?

I stared at Tom in silence for a long while, my thoughts empty. Until I felt different. My body seemed to regain its natural gravity and everything felt heavier. 
Tom smiled, "It's been a long time, Tord..." 

As confused as I was, I smiled back, unable to speak. Though nothing had left my mouth, Tom's movement suggested that he heard something, almost like it was in a different frequency.

"It's strange." Tom said, "because for the first time in forever, I can see you in broad daylight. You're here! Maybe now you can stay longer." More memories flew into my mind, more than I thought I had already. 

"I know I can't stay any longer. I'm practically wilted into dust by now." Tom rambled. "It's funny, how you finally stay long enough for me to see you properly, and it's when I'm nearly at my final breath."

"It's not your fault though, I'm closer to death, which makes me closer to you. It was never your fault." He closed his teary eyes as he let out a raspy cough.

My heart felt like osmium weighing my chest down. I wanted to hold Tom in my arms, and tell him it was all okay. But my body wouldn't let me.
Instead, I was forced on the ground next to him, gazing at the sky. It was peaceful, just as much as it was painful. 

I felt light once again, only my heart and eyelids kept on getting heavier and heavier, the lighter I got. I got lighter and lighter, until I felt apart of the clouds.

I didn't want to be in the clouds. I needed to be with Tom.

My eyes fluttered open. I was still resting my head on the windowsill and was still sitting in my crowded room.
I looked outside. The colors and sun didn't look like they had changed one bit. Time hadn't seemed to pass.

Only one thought came to mind, and that one thought was all I needed,

I need to find Tom.