Thin White Lies | a.i.

Five

"Wait, what?" Lily's voice cracked as the words slipped past her lips. She dropped the spoon she held in her bowl of colourful cereal, heart cracking painfully at the news.

Sure, it was meant to be good news, but it didn't feel all that great.

"What do you meaning leaving?" Lily cried, already feeling the tears as they welled in her baby blue's. "Signed by who?"

"Lily," Her mother smiled sadly. "This is a good thing. Your brother and his band have been chosen by that other band you like, One Direction, to go on tour and be the before act for every European show!

"I heard you the first time!" Lily almost shouted, probably waking the remainder of the house up along with her. Luke, Lily and their mother, Liz, gathered around the island in the kitchen when Luke had spilled the news. Apparently, Lily was the only one who was yet to be told.

"B-but," Lily felt her bottom lip wobble as she pouted at her big brother. Sure, they faught all the time, but that didn't mean that the siblings hated each other. In fact, they loved each other so much that it sometimes hurt. If Lily cried, Luke often cried too. Which meant that right now, Luke was having a hard time keeping it all in.

Michael was the next to enter the kitchen that morning, looking groggy and still half asleep as he ran his fingers through his colourful hair. "Morning," he mumbled, having to do a double take at the look on Lily's face. "Are you okay, Lily?"

"We told her," Luke informed.

Lily blinked back the tears, refusing to let them fall. She wanted to be happy, to be supportive. But it was an entire year of her brother and his friends, who were also like her brothers, being away. That wasn't exactly the best thing to wake up to the day after her birthday.

Calum stumbled into the kitchen next, with Ashton only seconds behind him. Cal noticed instantly the negative energy that the kitchen held as his eyes scanned everyone before him. Luke had his head bowed sadly, wishing that his sister could understand. Liz had her arms crossed over her chest, almost as if she were angry. Michael seemed nervous about something as he played with the frayed material of his hoodie. And Lily, looking like she was ready to burst into tears.

"Good morning," Ashton pushed past Calum happily as he chirped a greeting to no one in particular. He made his way to the fridge, going for the orange juice. He placed the carton on the bench beside Lily, turning back toward the cabinet behind him without a care in the world. He grabbed two glasses, planting them directly in front of Lily, and began pouring them each a glass of juice. "Morning, little one," he said, placing a gentle kiss on her forehead before grasping his own juice in his hand and making his way around the counter and placing himself on a stool directly opposite Lily.

One good look at the little girl and his face fell.

"Lily?" He gasped, eyebrows forrowed. Lily had to admire just how gorgeous the drummer always seemed to look. Even first thing in the morning, after a cramped sleep on the movie room sofa, his curls were the perfect amount of messy. Even with a frown plastered on his face, Lily could picute his face with a dimpled smile. "What's wrong?"

Lily could no longer hold back the tears that threatened to spill over her rosy cheeks. "Why didn't you tell me?" She sobbed silently, trying her best to keep it in. After all, Ashton wasn't her's to be sad over. He could do whatever he wanted, and an opportunity as good as this, he simply just had to take it.

Ashton knew instantly what his little girl was talking about. His heart broke there and then.

"I couldn't bring myself to," he whispered. "I really did want to. I just . . . I couldn't upset you like that."

Lily shook her head, pushing her hardly touched bowl of cereal away from her and standing abruptly, her chair scraping loudly on the floor.

"Wait," Ashton tried. "Lily!"

"Please don't, Ash," she cried. "Not right now. I need a minute to breathe. To think."

"Well, you don't have a minute," he snapped, and Lily stopped in her tracks at the bottom of the stairs. She turned to him slowly, breathing deeply through her lips. "We leave tomorrow."

"Tomorrow!?"

"Lily," Ashton begged. "Please. You gotta understand. I didn't know how to tell you. We've been so close these past few months and I didn't want to hurt you. I didn't want to break your heart."

Lily felt herself breaking once more. The four boys she loved most in the entire world were leaving. Tomorrow. She hardly had a second to catch up with what she was being told, much less say goodbye.

"What am I going to do without you, Ashton?"

His shoulders seemed to slump even further than they already were, if that were possible. "I promise Lily," he said, taking a hesitant step toward her. "You'll always have me. It isn't forever. I'll talk to you every day. Do you really think I'm gonna let my little girl feel alone?"

Lily's breath caught in her throat. He'd just said it out loud for the first time ever. His. His little girl. The words slipping past his lips sounded almost heavenly, as if his voice was meant to say such words to her.

"We leave tomorrow afternoon, Lily," he'd explained, both hands on her shoulders as his thumbs massaged circles on her skin. "You can even come to the airport to say goodbye. You'll have plenty of time left with the boys."

"It isn't just the boys, Ashton," Lily groaned.

"I know, babygirl."

It turned out that Ashton hadn't been completely honest with Lily that night. He'd left a note beside her bed, telling her that he was sorry, that he couldn't stand the thought of having to say goodbye to her for such a long amout of time. So, Lily never got the chance to go see him and the boys off at the airport, she never got to give him one last cuddle before he left. She only had his last truly spoken words plastered in her brain as they replayed over and over again for weeks after he had gone.

The note wasn't anything special, just a simple "I'm so sorry. Please forgive me."

She'd cried for weeks over that note, and the lack of communication from Ashton that came with it. Lily spoke to Luke almost every night, she even texted Michael and Calum on a regular basis, sharing snap chats and tweets and facetiming them whenever she could. But Ashton, well, he seemed to have fallen off the face of the planet. It was like they'd never even met.

At first, Lily was sad over it. Really sad. She'd call Luke crying, asking if Ashton was there and if she could please please at least just see him. Fifteen year old Lily never truly would understand what she'd done wrong for Ashton to ignore her for all of those months.

Twelve months. Three hundred and sixty five days. Eight thousand, seven hundred and sixty hours. All spent without him. All spend without Ashton.