ZODIAC (on hold)

Hurt

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POV JIN

I recalled what Jimin said and I know he might not know how difficult it is for me, but he is my well wisher and he just wants me to be happy.

I have always wondered why I was like this, why people liked and befriended more talkative and friendly personalities.

What was wrong with me, why couldn't I strike up a conversation or make eye contact frequently. Even in my family no one seemed to understand me but always pestered me to be more outgoing, why being myself is such a bad thing?

I always had friends who were bored of me because I was not talkative or engaging, and didn't like going to parties. Well house parties are alright. I would like a world where I don't need to constantly give reasons and excuses to do what I really want to do.

I have had a few failed relationships where people were dissatisfied because I was awkward with their friends or colleagues, some broke up because I was too shy. I think i will be alright by myself and don't need anyone if i only end up hurting them in some way.

People get hurt when i am being practical and logical, people get hurt when i try to be emotional. It's very difficult to predict and read them. Now how do I explain to Jimin that it hurts so much whenever I try to get out of my comfort zone and the reason for my pain is myself and my introversion.

What I try to do is protect myself. It hurts a lot when people give vague reasons for leaving me when i even tried to push my limits for their comfort and love. I have always been neglected and some even find me intimidating when I have a straight face. It's like a curse, I just want to be happy and not worry others. This is the reason I have been single for a long time and wish to be like that for the rest of my life.

Disturbing my internal monologue I received a text.