Our Love (A Repata Fanfic)

Part I: Getting my friend back

Tasha's P.O.V.

That damn nightmare again. It's like every time I try to close my eyes, shut my mind and sleep, it's impossible. And if I succeed, I relive it all over again. Every time I manage to fall asleep and dream, I see him die ... again ... and again ... and another fucking time ...

I hate this. I hate the fact he's not here with me anymore. Reade has always been my shadow, my right hand, my best friend, my partner in crime, beer, sports and games.

But above all that, Reade has been the man I loved the most in my life. Not a day goes by that I don't blame myself for telling him that I didn't feel the same way about him when he confessed his love for me.

Not a minute goes by that I don't miss him so much that it hurts to the bone. Not a single hour goes by that I don't get mad at myself for resenting the guys for following Kurt's plan and not mine. I wanted to jump off that plane, and I can't help but think that if we had, we would have run away together and he would be alive.

A couple of weeks ago, I found out that I'm pregnant, just when you think things can't get any worse, right? I'm expecting a baby, Reade's baby, the baby of my greatest love.

I really don't know how to feel about it. I never tried to be a mother and definitely not in these conditions. I am wanted all over the world, I am a fugitive from justice. Unfairly blamed, yes, but it is. My lover is dead and I don't even know how far along I am or if my baby is healthy or if he will be born here in this shitty bunker. I don't know anything and everything is so chaotic that sometimes I feel like I'm going crazy.

Tired of lying there looking at the ceiling, I got up. I tried not to make any noise since Patterson and I had shared a room since Rich arrived. I could see her blonde hair as I headed to the door. The bunker was completely silent. I sighed and put some water on the stove. I miss coffee so much, but if Patterson saw me drinking it, I think she would kill me. Also for some reason now I love to drink tea, I drink Reade's favorite, it makes me feel at home, it's a comforting feeling.

I looked at my watch as I sat at the table with my cup of tea. It was 4:12 am. I sighed and reached into my cardigan pocket. It was my pregnancy test, I forgot I put it there. I took a sip of my tea and stared at those two red lines. Those two lines that changed my life forever.

I felt so much fear, sadness, pain. What am I doing bringing a child into this world and these circumstances? Everything is so confusing, so uncertain, so dangerous.

I heard a noise behind me and instinctively I turned quickly aiming my weapon. It was Patterson. - "Wow! Easy, it's just me." - She said raising her hands to her body. I sighed and set my gun aside.

"Don't do that, Patterson" .- I told her and sat down again.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you ... I worried when I didn't see you in your bed." She said as she walked over the table and sat in front of me. - "Do you mind if I sit down and keep you company?" - She asked but she quickly got up to prepare a cup of tea.

"Of course not, sit down" I said and took my pregnancy test and put it back into my pocket. She is my best friend, but things have been tense since she know about my incident with Borden. I don't blame her, I know I should have told her long before I did, but I just wanted to protect her. She suffered a lot for him and I just didn't want to put salt on the wound. Today I realize that I made and huge mistake and that I hurt her, but it's done. I miss the friendship we used to have so much. In a moment as uncertain as this is when I need her most by my side. - "Did I wake you up?" - I asked feeling guilty.

"No, actually I always get up around 5 am ... to get everything ready ... I thought you were Rich, I'm surprised he's still sleeping." She said drinking her tea.- "Are you okay?" - She asked me and immediately excused herself.- "Sorry, sorry ... I promised to stop asking you about that." - She said and I laughed softly.

"I don't know ..." - I sighed. - "I can't sleep ... I can't stop ..." - I felt my tears gathering in my eyes. - "I just ... I see him lying there ... struggling to breathe ... telling me to be strong and I ..." - I started to sob. Patterson took my hand. - "I can't ... I can't do this ... I can't do it without him" .- I said crying like a child.

"Tasha"-Patterson whispered and moved her chair next to me and hugged me very carefully almost like she was afraid to hug me. I hugged her tightly, placing my head on her shoulder. I missed hugging her so much. - "It's ok... I'm here with you ... Always. "- She said softly while she caressed my back. I cried for like another minute. -" I know ... I know how much you miss him, I miss him too". - She sighed. - "I know how hard it is ..." - I could tell that her voice was breaking. She was right. She lost David, her biggest love. But it was until then that I realized how much she understood me and why she protected me so much. I also know that she feels very guilty for putting her dad in danger ... She is struggling with a lot of though issues too and I am only focused on my own pain.

"He was all I had" - I said sobbing and she pushed me away very carefully. She looked into my eyes. Her beautiful blue eyes were full of tears. She wiped one of my tears away with her thumb and tagged my hair behind my ear. She looked me in the eyes again.

"It's not the only thing you have left" - She said softly and put her hand on my shoulder. - "Tasha, you have us ... We are family ... Whatever happens ... Until the end" - Patterson spoke with her usual serenity.

"I'm so sorry ... I'm really sorry ... Forgive me, please" - I said crying again. Patterson was such a good friend as she's always been, even though I had hurt her. She was taking care of me and my condition, even more than I do myself. I felt so small and pathetic into her arms. She gave me another hug and kissed my forehead. It felt so good.

"That is over ... We are fine" - She said with a nod. - "You are my best friend ... and I love you ... That's it." - She said rubbing my left arm. - "Now ... tell me what I can do to make you feel better." She said looking at me and with a smirk, then she nodded her head. "Wait ... I got it ... follow me" She said taking my hand and led me back to our room. "There ... lie on your bed ... I'll be right back, okay?" -She said leaving the room for a moment and then returned. She showed me a strange device. "I know you don't want us to touch on the subject but ... I felt that we should be ready for whatever happens and I know how important it is to know if everything is okay with ..." - She pointed to my belly. - "I was able to build a Doppler ... It is not the greatest but... I think it will work ... Would you like to... listen to the baby's heartbeats?" - She asked excited. I nodded trying not to cry. She smiled and sat next to me, lifted my shirt slightly and looked at me. - "Ready?" - I nodded firmly. I was scared. What if there was no heartbeats? I felt a lump in my throat as Patterson placed that device on my belly and moved it around. It sounded like static. Suddenly ... There it was. - "Oh ... I got it" - She said smiling. - "That's your baby ... that's the heart" - She said looking at me. It sounded so clearly and so fast. I closed my eyes and sighed. There was definitely a baby there. Whether I was ready or not, I was going to be a mom. - "147 per minute... completely normal and healthy." - She said smiling and I nodded and laughed in relief.

"Thank you "- I said and took her hand. She squeezed it firmly.-" Thank you so much ".

"Always" - She said and hugged me again. "I love you ... I love both of you" - She said and we laughed hugging each other.

"We love you too, Patata" - I joked hugging her tightly.