Dear Crush, | ✔

Dear Henry (2),

For the summer holiday after eighth grade, you had gone to your home country for a vacation.

I had been eager to start ninth grade, and more importantly, I had been eager to see you again.

Though I do not remember what I had done and how many of my friends I had recalled during the holidays, I am sure the thought of you had crossed my mind at a certain point in time.

The first term of ninth grade kicked of, and I recall being both happy and anxious to be at school on the first day, because it meant seeing you.

Although, we didn't talk as much as we used to, like we had done in the earlier days of eighth grade, we still, nonetheless, shared a distant friendship.

And so I was more than anxious to see you on that first day, hoping you'd be in the same class with me, as usual.
  
But, much to my dismay, you weren't in school. I was both surprised and disappointed. I had wondered why you weren't present in school, although I didn't dwell on the issue for long, pushing the thought aside on the hopes that you'd be in school the next day.

But you weren't. And the day after, and the day after, you still hadn't come to school. A week passed and you hadn't yet resumed. Then I began hearing from different students that you had visited your home country for the holiday and hadn't yet returned and no one was sure when you'd return.

The second week flew quickly and you still hadn't come to school. I was patiently waiting for your return, though silently. And then, in the third week, you returned. I remember my heart skipping a beat on seeing you in school. I was happy. You were finally here!

But something was different. From your looks, to the way you carried yourself and to your general character, everything had changed. I attributed the change in your looks to puberty and the way you carried yourself to the early phase of being a teenager, but as for your character, I no idea what to put it to.

You were different. We still talked, but it was just an occasional and casual 'hey' or 'hi'. You apparently had lost interest in being my friend and sought to befriend 'more popular' people. Back then, I still wasn't in that click.

You befriending the popular ones wasn't an effort that broke a sweat. You already had the looks, the aura, the background, what more? I gave up trying to start small talk with you, but my feelings still remained.

That's until one evening, during the twenty minute break period before the extra evening lessons our school usually engaged in, I saw you walking out of the other class for ninth graders. I had wondered what you'd been doing there, but didn't stress the issue.

Then, during the evening lessons, some students were moved over from the other class into our class and I saw you had sat with a girl from the former. And you both were holding hands, while a friend of yours was making jokes about doing 'it' there while lessons were going on.

To say that I was heartbroken would be a gross understatement. And the worst part was, I was right beside you both, and not just that, the said girl, who I had later found out you were dating, was a friend of mine, who was also a friend of my best friend.

I forced myself to look happy. I pulled my face up with all the facial muscles I could muster so I wouldn't have to answer flimsy questions on why I was sad. That night, I got home and cried. Dearly.

It was the first time I actually cried for a guy, but then I made up my mind. I made up my mind to give up my feelings for you. And guess what, I did.

Yes, it wasn't easy at first. I felt immense jealousy towards the girl, but with time, it faded. We even became closer than we had been before.

I remember always watching her and thinking, oh how she looked so womanly! Straight back, beautiful skin, beautiful face, perfect lips, unlike me, who was a sharp contrast to her. Yes, I had beautiful skin too, but I was rather a tomboy.

I could never match up to your standards.

And so I gave up on the feelings, and with giving up came a freer me. I didn't see it as a problem talking to you anymore.

I talked with you, laughed with you, did normal stuff with you, like we used to. Only this time, it was different. This time, I had no feelings for you.

I had been beyond heartbreak, yeah, but by letting go, I pieced myself back together.

And in a way, you helped. Wanna know how? By never noticing, even if you had, the crush I had on you.

 

                                                  Yours Truly,
                                                  Heartbreak