All about Joseph

Running

Journal,

I don't know how to put it but I have this thing inside me that once I've learned something or knew about it I just take it for granted and easily "delete" it in my head, like after studying that lesson in school, after taking the exams, I just delete it but unfortunately it has prerequisites and these prerequisites needs the previous learning that I already deleted. That is really unfortunate of me having this trait, stupid trait that I shouldn't have thrived for. Because of this I have problem in this moment, I mean this present day. I always run from the problems I faced like deleting the old lessons and not learning from them to my advantage and now look at it got me. I'm in a cafe right now, having my booze, the booze that I meant was coffee, okay? Wait, I don't need explaining for this! Where was I? Yes, in cafe but in a different one, of course it's still in hotel, well I'm getting tired of it. I wish I was back at the Leave's. Here I go again, regretting. Going back to the deleting thing, I have this habit right? But the problem is I delete those things to discover new ones to bury the old stuff? Are you getting me, journal? Oh shit, I'm so messed up right now, with the situation at hand, I don't know what to do. I don't know even myself. And I didn't reckon that this summer would be one of the longest summer I ever have. I just want all of this to end. That wouldn't be easy and that again would like be cheating because again, you're running away without even solving or doing something useful. It's really hard, I always wanted the easy way out but the thing is there's not. Fudge this. Smudge this. Whatever. I'll catch up to you later.

As I ended my last piece in my journal, Geoff was already in front of me, and I have this feeling that he was reading what I was writing a while ago. Instead of reacting badly, I sipped coolly out of my mug. He sat down in front of me. I don't know how to react, Rebecca just slipped through my mind. I just miss her. I guess I'm running inside her head too, 24/7.

"What's up, Jo?" Geoff said.

"Don't ask me  right now, I'm having my "me" time."

"Of course, you do! And I'm really amazed at how you managed to still have your "me" time if yours when we have this situation going on."

I hate him when he lectures me about this. I murmured.  "I need this "me" time to reflect and work things out in my mind. I don't want to run now, I wanted to, not stay but resolved this. I'm just so tired on how I bury things behind when it's still undone. I can't even remember how I went through my high school because of the deleting process that I instill. When you ask me about something about the past, I would just answer I don't remember but the thing is I just buried them in my recycle bin and not restore them because at some point I don't want to remember them or I'm just too focused on my future that I don't even dwell with the present."

"Don't be too hard, Joseph."

"Wait, what?"

SHIT. OH GOD, DID I JUST SAID THAT ALOUD? I DIDN'T NOTICE THE FUCKING THING. AM I GOING CRAZY?

"Joseph, I know you too well okay, I'm your bestfriend, even though I act foolishly at times I know you." he then sipped in his frappe. I'm just utterly silent. 

"You keep a journal, yes, but I don't think it helps you."

"Are you telling me to quit this?"

"Not really but I don't know, with that I think you're keeping things away."

"I need things like this okay" I started pointing at the journal.

"Of course but I'm here, so why write it? You could talk to me with your shit."

"I don't know, Geoffrey but sometimes I wanted to kill you but think otherwise because maybe I'll regret it."

"The reason is that I'm your buddy! And we stick each other out."

"What?"

"Just let me be!" He laughed at that I laughed too because I miss having a conversation like this with my bestfriend. 

----

Mom and dad are reunited by the time when Geoff and I got back to the hotel room, Richard was talking with Claude with things that I don't think should be talked about but of course, Claude needed some readjustments with his "childhood". Where's Frey?

"Frey! I miss you so much! How are you, pal? My cutest dog in the world!" Frey licked me in the mouth. I've missed him so much!

"How did you manage to take him up here? Pet aren't allowed here, right?"

"I have authorities here." Richard said and he winked at me at that. It made me laugh out of it. I almost forgot that my father and I have a tension between us. He basically just nod at me when I entered the room. It's not surprising though. Geoff nudged me at this.

"What?"

"Are you not saying sorry to him or something?"

"I don't know, I figured I'm not ready yet."

"When will you be ready huh? When Lamarte already gets on of your family or when everybody is kidnapped or killed and you're the only one left? Now's your chance to make amends!"

"Maybe later."

"You're running away again after the conversation we had. Very typical of you. I thought you already changed for the good when I met you back in Vigan with Rebecca it turns out that it was  in the rush of things."

"No! It's not!"

"But that is what I see."

"Could you just give me a break even for the moment? I'm tired."

"Just remember you could not run from things unattended." He  then went to join Richard and Claude. I proceeded to the bed and lay down there chest flat on the mattress. I really suck at this, I thought I was already brave and stuff that's why dad got mad at me in the first place while in the truth I was not. I'm being aggressive and foolish not think of the things that might happen after.