Angel's Mafia (gxg) ✓

XIV | One Goodbye Too Many

I HANG UP THE PHONE, tears in my eyes.

After I told Vittoria I needed to go home to Los Angeles for a family emergency, she exclaimed in worry about coming back with me. It was an offer that surprised me. We had been roommates only for a month, and she was willing to come home with me? The thought filled me with warmth.

Now, I hesitate before dialing my mother's number. We haven't talked once since my departure. For all she knows, I could be in the middle of a human trafficking ring. But I restrain my anger, because even if she doesn't show it . . . she must care, right?

The phone connection goes through. "Hello?" I hear my mother's gentle voice.

"Mom?" I say. "Hi, it's Cade."

"Oh, Cade," she says softly. "How are you doing?"

"Good," I say. I hear the painful croak in my voice, and I clear my throat. "Is everything okay there?" I wait for her to say yes before continuing. "I just wanted to let you know how heavy the work load is getting this semester. I thought it would be a good idea to just . . . turn off my phone. For a few months. Save some money on tuition."

I don't mention my tuition is already paid for. And if I'm gone for longer than a few months . . . I'm not sure what I'll do. But I make my voice cheerful.

"So I just wanted to check up on you, let you know no need to worry if you can't get a hold of me."

My mother sounds soft, unbothered. "That's quite alright, dear. That's excellent," she adds in a dreamy tone. I wonder what she's using-amphetamine, heroin or cocaine. It was always something.

The truth is, I'm surprised she's not dead already.

When I first found out about her addiction, almost five years ago, I spent countless hours persuading with her to see a doctor, to get help. I tried everything, from hiding her stash to taking her money to even driving her straight to the hospital. Nothing worked. If she didn't want to get better, I couldn't force her. I learned that the hard way.

She needs to see she has a problem. And nothing, nothing I have done has showed her. I skipped endless days of school, arguing with her about cocaine, holding her down in one of her rare withdrawal fits. My grades plunged down. I almost lost sight of my own life.

I can't do that anymore.

Before I can say goodbye, she says hazily, "Honey? Would you like to speak with Nathan?"

He is supposed to be watching her. I know it's impossible to stop her, but the way she sounds now . . . as high as a kite. "No," I say through gritted teeth.

As fucked up as it is, there is nothing I can do for my mother. Once, it even came to a point where she took two thousand dollars from the money I was saving for tuition. I don't even know how I forgave her. I don't even know if I fully have.

"Here's Nathan," she says, as though she didn't just hear me. "Say hi, sweetie."

I go silent. Can I hang up? No. It will make him furious.

"Hey, Cade," Nathan says. That smooth, deep voice fills the phone, and I almost drop it as though burning. I can't breathe. I can't breathe. Oh, God. How can I talk to him? "How is it in Sicily? The pizza good?"

I make a vague sound of agreement.

I hear him ask my mother for some privacy. My heart drops down, down. Don't say yes, I think to her, hoping she can hear. But she giggles and agrees.

I'm going to throw up. All over Violetta-Angel's-carpet.

"Cade," Nathan says, and it sounds like a caress. "You haven't called."

I swallow. I can't let Violetta-Angel see how afraid I am. "It goes both ways."

Nathan's voice becomes softer. "You promised me, didn't you?"

I can't reply.

"You know," he says, humming. "I did promise a visit. Maybe I should come by, see what you're up to?"

"I'm . . . busy," I say. I'm far away, I'm far away, he can't hurt me. "I won't have time to . . . be with you."

I close my eyes. Tears build. What is it about the thought of Nathan Belleterre that makes me want to sob, explode, and curl into fetal position all at once?

But I already know the answer.

"It's almost starting to sound as though you don't want me there," Nathan says in a deadly soft whisper.

"I'm just busy." This time, my voice is calm, measured. I will not show him how much he is affecting me.

"Then a little surprise might be nice."

"I'm sorry. I need to focus on school right now."

"Sounds like an excuse to me, Princess."

That nickname sends a wave of nausea rocketing through me. I remember the memories that come with it, and my breathing turns heavy. My eyes close.

"Goodbye, Nathan," I say quietly into the phone. "Don't call back."

I hang up. Then it's a race to the bathroom, where I grip the edge of the sink with white knuckles. Breathe. Breathe.

I try to ease away the nausea. My eyes stare back at me, bleak, empty. As though a light has gone out inside of them.

The green of my irises is muted, the colour of wilted grass. My hair is tangled, the knots of brown and blond woven in a bird's nest. My skin is pale, milky white.

I look like . . . a ghost.

I don't even look alive.

Before I know it, the shivers crawl up my arms, starting from toes. I feel them chanting.

Dirty. Dirty. Dirty.

The same frantic feeling I get after Nathan touches me. He has this power over me, even from thousands of miles away.

Without hesitating, I strip down until I'm neck. My clothes lay in a puddle on the floor.

I know I'm in Angel's room. She'll be back soon. But I can't help it. I need to get this filth, this dirt off of me now.

Frantic, I turn on the knob of the shower. The walls are glass, and there is no curtain. Even though the door to the bathroom is locked, I feel a momentary bout of panic.

But I feel certain Angel won't violate my privacy.

I climb into the shower. It's not hot enough. I dial it higher, but I can't feel anything. I just want to feel something. I just want to be clean.

The water turns higher. Hot enough to burn. Hot enough to sizzle.

I can feel heat soak into my body, into my bones.

How fucked up is this? I think. Nathan has a reach on me all the way from Los Angeles.

I sink to the floor. Letting the hot water mix with my tears.

>>>

I wanted to give you guys a chapter about Cade. I've been foreshadowing the thought of Nathan, and I thought it was finally time to introduce him.

What do you think the relationship between Nathan and Cade is like? Who is he?

Comment what you think down below!!

From the moon and back,
Sarai