Excerpt: Change of Heart

Happy Pride (Updated Chapter Excerpt)

"Let me look at you!" Ren was bustling around like some proud mother hen, grabbing Noa by the shoulders and hips to turn him around and tug at his clothes, occasionally pinching his cheek.

"I'm wearing my regular clothes." Noa laughed exasperatedly, gesturing down at his outfit, which consisted of stonewashed jeans ripped at the knee, a tank top, and a purple-and-black tartan shirt tied around his waist, covering his belt. His damp, towel-dried hair hung limply on his forehead.

"Okay, yeah, but you're also super handsome right now." Ren grinned at him, turning him around again. "Just let me . . ." He reached out and flicked Noa's fringe to the side and proceeded to ruffle the hair at the top a little. "Let's get some life into you!"

Noa stood awkwardly, allowing Ren to play around with his hair and tug at him until he was pleased. "Good. Very handsome. Now, let's gay you up!"

"It's his first Pride," Insung commented. "Are you sure he wants to be all decked out for it?"

"Uh—" Ren shifted his gaze from Noa to Insung and then back. "Do you?"

"Um." While he had told Haru he wanted to be slightly ambiguous, he didn't particularly mind being dressed up, but then again . . . he looked at Ren's outfit, a T-shirt that looked like it had been splashed with rainbow paint and one rainbow fabric bracelet on each wrist. To make up for his standard pair of jeans, he had upped his game with a drizzle of glitter on his face and neck. (The bathroom nearest his room was a disaster zone.) The icing on the cake were the painted rainbow flags on each cheek. "Let's not go overboard," Noa said hesitantly, "but let me have some of that face paint thing—"

"Will do." Ren trilled happily and went to work. "Both cheeks?"

Noa nodded. "Sure."

"Okay, stand still." Ren pulled out a little gadget designed to paint perfectly symmetrical rainbows and pressed it against Noa's left cheek with a look of deep concentration.

[***]

The overhead sun showed no sign of being chased away by storm clouds. Although most people in the city were probably just going about their Saturday business and not heading to the Pride festival, the streets already felt excessively crowded.

Noa's heart was trembling in his chest, and the same tremble had found its way to his hands. He didn't know if what he was doing was okay in any way. Actually, he did know. He was being selfish, but he couldn't turn back.

He couldn't say there wasn't a chance that his parents would show up, after all. Stranger things had happened. He didn't know what he was hoping for—or whether his inviting them had been to spite or educate them at this point.

He thought about his conversation with Haru earlier in the week regarding what he was comfortable with, and the conversation they'd had when he first roped Haru in, about how unethical it was. Haru had still happily agreed to it, but back then, the whole idea had been about deceiving and partially punishing his narrow-minded parents. No matter how today went, he'd have to lie. He'd have to lie to his friends about him and Haru dating, or he'd have to lie to them later about them breaking up or whatever—unless he piped up and told them the truth. After today he would, he decided.

But he was afraid of the truth. Maybe that was a consequence of spinning a web of lies? He sighed heavily.

"Hey, are you okay?" Ren put a hand on his shoulder. He winced, clutching his flag harder.

"Nervous?" Michio joined in, placing a hand on his other shoulder.

"Uh—" He swallowed. "A little."