Amnesia ➳ h.s

Chapter Thirty-Six - Dairy #3

I never thought I could have such heartache.

You've been gone for a single day now and I miss you so fucking much Harry. My heart ached more than ever when you were gone, but I had a slight hope you would come back and be in my arms, but now that you're gone, I've never experienced such pain.

Your mum and sister aren't taking the death well. Your mum is as heartbroken as I am, and I didn't think that was possible. But Cece has been spending nights with me while Rocky goes off to Liam's flat.

Cece has been such a help to me. She's been spending the whole day with me and she d rove me to therapy this afternoon. Ugh... Therapy.

I hate it Harry. She thinks I'm some crazy mental patient who should be sent to the states so I can be tested. Guess Becca doesn't know what a broken heart is.

Cece is out at the store, buying me food, since I refuse to leave the house if you're not their holding my hand.

My family is worried about me, mostly Louis. He keeps calling me from Doncaster but I never pick up. I don't have the strength to talk to him yet. I hate talking to everyone. I only want to talk to you so I can tell you how much you mean to me and how much I miss you.

It's 5pm right now, which is around the time you'd run to my house and ask me over for dinner.

I haven't read your note yet. Should I? I'm not sure if I'm mentally, or physically ready to. The only one who knows about the note is Louis. He's the one who gave it to me when I was in the hospital because I was at an "unhealthy state" and "had to be drugged"

I don't understand why you did this. i mean, hopefully the note will explain more but... You always seemed so happy... And then you go like this. Why?

I still  can't process that you're gone. I feel as if you're right next to me, as if this is all just some sick nightmare, and that I'll wake up in my bedroom with you sleeping on the floor, with your hair all up in tangles and you'll wake up, smile up at me, then go down into my kitchen to get some breakfast in only your boxers.

The funeral hasn't been planned yet, I don't want it to be. It'll be too difficult for me to see them lower your body into the ground, where I can never feel your silk smooth skin ever again.

This pain is just too real. There's just too much that time can't erase. 

I love you Harry.

-Scar