The WARRIORS OF INK Contest

Solved Queries (SAPPHIRE)

Hello everyone!

Here's the answer to the queries that some of the contestants raised when the reviews by our judge SAPPHIRE were posted. She has tried answering you all and before you read the reviews please know this that none of us is trying to demotivate you here. Your mistakes have been pointed out just because of a simple reason that you don't make them again.

We hope this helps! Here you all go.

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RehanaSiraj

Just so you wanted to know about your grammatical errors, here they are:

“I gulped the pain inside, not want to scream to attract his attention.” ❌
“I gulped the pain inside, not wanted to scream to attract his attention.” ✅

When you say scream, the word in itself means loud and shrill, so avoid using tautology which is the needless repetition of the same idea. Also, in the first half you’ve written, ‘she gulped’ which is in past tense, therefore in the second half as well, the words will be in the past tense only. So, it will be wanted, instead of want.

Then, there was another sentence;

“I sat across my bed wiping away the sweat beads in my forehead.” ❌
Instead it should be;
“I sat across my bed, wiping away the sweat beads on my forehead.” ✅

Errors above-
1. Missing punctuation mark (comma)
2. ‘In’

The other error was,

“Now I don’t know if he would never talk to me or not.” ❌
“Now, I don’t know if he would ever talk to me or not.” ✅

Another error;

“His one-touch has the audacity to make me all nervous.” ❌

‘Has the audacity’ is the incorrect phrase. The term audacity is a different term than what was supposed to be used or mentioned here. Audacity means ‘dares to’. Instead of audacity, the more suitable phrase here would be, “His one touch has the power to make me nervous.” ✅

Instead of power, the other words that you can use are potential, magic, force or something else which sounds sensational.

The other error;

“You look so hot today” his words made me blush. ❌
Correction- “You look so hot today,” his comment made me blush. ✅

And another;

“I have been wanting to ask you way before Misogy.” He asked bending like Sharukh khan. ❌
Correction- “I’ve been waiting to ask you way before, Misogy,” he said, bending like…✅

I don’t know if by the above sentence you meant waiting or wanting. I, honestly, don’t know what were you trying to say but whatever you were trying to portray or say, the above sentence is grammatically incorrect.
Now, after digging deep, I’ve noticed that there aren’t just few errors but many. Punctuation are misplaced, tenses are wrong and phrases are also jumbled.

Another important thing that I’d like to mention is, a comma follows the dialogue and comes before the closing quotation mark.

If you write,
“I’m sorry.” She said. ❌

Then the above sentence would be grammatically incorrect.

A period won’t be ending the above dialogue instead it would be,
“I’m sorry,” she said. ✅

There is this thing, if you want to end a dialogue in a full stop then the following sentence should be a complete sentence or there shouldn’t be any sentence at all.

The other main punctuation rule is, when your dialogue ends in question mark or exclamation mark and if there is a further sentence to it, then it shouldn’t be capped.

Let’s take an example from your story:

“Will you marry me?” He asked suddenly. ❌

This sentence is wrong as the word (he) after the question mark shouldn’t begin with a capital letter. The tag doesn’t begin with a cap since it’s a part of the same sentence.

The correct sentence would be-
“Will you marry me?” he asked. ✅

I’d like to stop it here. These were just few mistakes. There were many other mistakes, which I’m not pointing out as that would take me a lot more time. I didn’t bother to explain in detail before, because this isn’t a judge's work but a reviewer’s. Judges just see your skills and allot points according to that by pointing out just main and outline things.

Speaking of; being a grammar freak and knowing real grammar are two different things. It’s actually hard to believe that even after using grammarly, I was able to find many errors, considering at one point of time even I was a grammarly user, and the experience was quite good.
Overall, you need to revise grammar rules more thoroughly and practice it. Also what your shot needs now, is editing! Good luck!

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Helly_18

First of all, you don’t have to be apologetic for your words. I did understand the pure genuineness behind the words, trust me.
Secondly, I get it that the word should be ‘throw’ instead of ‘threw’, of course, without you mentioning about it, because trust me when I say, I do know the rules thoroughly, but it’s just I’ve written the reviews in a hurry and didn’t edit it.

But doubting on someone’s whole grammar with just one or two mistakes (you might even find some more as that’s how my unedited part looks) is something inappropriate and ungrateful on your or anyone else’s part.

Anyways, I won't drag this part because sometimes, it is better to leave some things as they are. Moreover, I prefer to leave a few things and conversations unexplained, rather than proving my abilities to someone who has already made up a view regarding me.
But, I’d like to say about the second statement of yours that followed.

“About Misogamist word, it was a word it can be used on anyone right?”

Then, nope! Though it is a word and it can be used with anyone but it was supposed to be an essential element in the story. Marks were not to be allotted on using the word in the story or not, but it was to be allotted on the ‘usage’ of the word.

Your whole story revolved around Sanskaar and Swara and both the characters didn’t hate marriage but a side character (Swara’s uncle) whose presence in the story was presented by just one or two statements.

Nobody introduces someone by saying ‘he is a misogamist, hates marriages and all.’

I mean, the person in front didn’t even ask about the introduction in the first place, leave about hate marriages part.

If the story would’ve revolved around the struggle both SwaSan went through due to her misogamist uncle, then that would’ve been understandable. But here, Swasan were dealing with completely different issues, and her uncle…voh toh alag he chal rhe the.

It sounded more like, just to put the word in the story; you’ve forcibly pushed that word in the middle.
I hope that clarifies some of your queries.

If any of the other participants have some queries or want to know their mistakes in detail or think that I’ve pointed out something wrong or incorrect, feel free to drop your comment(s) here. I will be answering all your doubts and queries as soon as possible. But a small request, please don’t be rude. Just like you people, even I’m a human, and it takes a lot of time to read and judge the book accordingly, so at least respect that if not the feelings.

Love,
Sapphire.