Enforcing Boundaries

Chapter 18

Lachlan

I started spending my free time at Glenna and Safiya's house against my better judgment. At first it was because I thought they were getting too buddy-buddy with Luin and I wanted to make sure they didn't agree to anything too stupid. Something strange happened, though – something I never saw coming. I started actually... liking him.

Luin was an odd guy. Seriously odd. Since I was technically human, I couldn't detect magic in the air like Glenna and Safiya could, but even I could tell that he leaked magic almost constantly. The only time he didn't seem charged with magic was when he had a quiet moment to himself or occasionally while he was in the middle of a conversation, when that mask of his would slip and you'd see the utter despair that hid beneath. He always brightened as soon as he noticed he had an audience, but I started learning to see the cracks in his façade.

Turns out, it's really hard not to trust someone when you see their pain. In fact, he started to actually feel like a friend, which was a little scary. I could only hope Magnus would be more clear-minded when he met Luin, though if I was honest with myself, I knew exactly how Magnus would feel about him. Magnus would see those broken parts of Luin even sooner than I had and he would want to help fix them.

Maybe Magnus' eagerness to accept the best in people was a flaw – I would never accept such weakness in myself – but somehow Magnus turned it into a strength. I admired the way he could open himself up like that so fearlessly.

And I... I was consumed by fear. It was on my mind almost constantly, since it was standing between me and my happiness.

I wanted to transform for Magnus... but I didn't feel ready. I wanted him in my life in every way and I wanted him in it forever. That part wasn't in question; I was just having trouble dealing with the prospect of making the actual transition. I had heard plenty of transformation stories over the years, but they were all different. Even Glenna and Safiya, who were sisters and who transformed into the same species, had completely different experiences.

Glenna took to the magic effortlessly. She had a mild headache for a few hours and slept for most of the day following, but that was all. Safiya, on the other hand, was violently ill for three days straight and almost needed admitted to the hospital for dehydration since she couldn't keep anything down, even water. Her body resisted the magic hard, to the point where Glenna had called me every hour with updates because we were all so worried.

There was no telling what would happen to me, but it was hard to imagine that my body would take well to shifting into a completely different animal. Every time I thought about it, that girl's first transformation stuck in my mind. She was so scared and in such pain, and her body had been born for the change.

So, yeah... I was scared. And even though it was stupid, I couldn't stop thinking about how much I wanted my mom. She hadn't been there for me in almost twenty years, but somehow, that didn't matter. I wanted her advice. To my horror, I wanted her approval. She had done nothing to deserve it, but knowing that didn't change the way I felt.

The thing about my mother was, even if I wanted to talk about my transformation with her – and, so help me, I did – I had no way to reach her. Mom came to land every few years and reached out to me. I last saw her a year and a half ago, so it would probably be a while before she came up again and if I waited that long to transform, I would probably combust from the sexual frustration.

My phone buzzed, snapping me out of my thoughts. It was a text from Magnus: "Probably have to postpone the trip home. I'll call you later."

My heart sank. This was Magnus' fourth day away and he had been planning to come home tomorrow morning. I had barely gotten to talk to him in the past couple of days because he was almost always with his pack mates and we were still trying to keep our relationship quiet. And now it could be even longer before I got to see him again.