A Sky Full of Stars

| 10 || Lights Will Guide You Home |

//

Mami stared at the blank TV screen across from where she laid on the stiff, white couch. Her focus switched from the screen to the edges of the blanket and back, then to her phone that sat silent on the low tabletop. She flipped onto her back restlessly, cracking her knuckles in the too silent room. The pops sounded sickly and even when it started to hurt she cracked it once more – she didn't know what else to do. In this foreign room, nothing was familiar except for the apron that hung on the wall beside the kitchen. Her phone vibrated noisily.

  - You should just go back Mami –

  - You can take the bread –  

  - I got a B on that one though. Sorry –

Mami grabbed her phone and flung the blanket off her body. She changed out of the clothes Rina had lent her and slipped on her own shirt. The dried blood was still there but she zipped her sweater up over it, grabbed the plastic bag from the kitchen counter and headed out the door. The dorm room locked automatically and stood sturdily as she walked away from it.

She speed walked out the building and into the chilly night, stepping over cracks and potholes under the streetlights until she got to the nearest train station. Taking the steps down two at a time, Mami was picking up speed. She practically jumped into the train when the doors were about to slide shut. The pole that she collided into saved her from falling and she moved to lean against the window. Catching her breath, the train started moving and instead of her own reflection, she saw the city. All she could think about was Tomomi lying there, alone, and that on its own was already bad enough. Her phone vibrated again. From another sender.

  - Make sure to have both your blood tested -

  -  for infections. Don't worry she's sleeping fine. I'll be back in the morning –

The tall buildings got sucked away as the train steadily rode past, window lights decreasing until the city dimmed. She relished in the coldness of the windowpane against her head as she stared out blankly, unable to make sense of Tomomi's actions. She woke up about two or three hours later, complaining that she needed more sedatives. Mami snapped. The anger she initially held never went away, not like they always used to, but now she was beginning to think that they never left in the first place. She could remember how fearfully Tomomi had looked up at her when she threatened to have her boss arrested – the man who stabbed her because she would not accept his offer, that was what Tomomi said. Mami couldn't understand why, why she would still protect him when she could've gotten killed.

- There's nowhere else to go! If they so much as ID me, I'm going to prison! -

- Well, at least they'll have free food and a roof! -

Tears and regret spilled down her cheeks even more so because she wasn't even sure if Tomomi was telling the truth or not. Looking back, it was obvious when things started to go wrong – the downfall was steep; it fell so fast it hid right under her eyes all because she chose to look forward when she should have looked around her. She was convinced that Tomomi was just going through another phase, that she'll pull through like she always did, but it was all wrong. Mami was wrong. A red neon sign, one of many clubs, burned in the distance. Even if it was just a phase, how could she simply watch it happen? What point was there in her coming back if that was all she was prepared to do?

The train stopped and she got off of it, walking about a half mile further. It was a dark walk as she headed towards the one light by the bus stop. She boarded the empty bus and looked out the window once again.

Maybe she should have been less selfish. If she only spent her time working, she was sure she and Tomomi combined could get a better place, have better food on the table. It would probably stay that way for a long time. Never better and never worse. She didn't know if that was enough for her – Mami had finally found something she could do, something that pulled her forward but at the same time pulled her away from something else. Pulled her away from someone. She really was being selfish.