love from afar||na jaemin

twenty-three.

"so then what happened after you told jaemin your feelings?" yeona whispered.

the two of us were sitting in the kitchen talking, while jaemin was asleep in my room.

"i- nothing happened," i sighed, "i don't know why. it was all there. the connection, the spark, the butterflies. all of it was there, but i think jaemin saw my hesitation. and i- i feel so bad."

yeona looked at me in understanding, "it's seojun isn't it?"

"it's seojun," i stated, looking down.

"part of me still doesn't want to accept the fact that we broke up. six years? i mean-"

"i know," yeona began, "i'm still shocked you two broke up too. i thought he'd even propose. clearly it just wasn't meant to be. you don't want to let go because you still have hope, but you should put that hope into you and jaemin."

"you have your answers. jaemin clearly adores you and has adored you since the beginning. you moving on does not mean you have to completely forget about seojun. it just means that you have to hold the memories in your heart, accept the break up, and make new memories with new people."

yeona paused at the sight of tears rolling down my face.

"i'm trying to say this in the nicest way possible because i love you and you're my best friend, but moving on with your life is going to include pain whether you like it or not. that day you and seojun broke up, he told you things that he's clearly been holding in for a long time."

"you don't need someone who won't be honest with you. you don't need someone who is not willing to sit down with you and talk things out. what you need is someone who will treat you like a priority instead of an option. what you need is jaemin."

"so i'm not going to sit here and watch you cry because of seojun. seojun is in the past. you need to focus on your present and future and figure out who you want to have in that present and future," yeona stated in anger, walking out of my apartment.

i didn't bother going to check on yeona because she'd want me to reflect on her words as i should.

i let out deep breaths and tried to get myself together, only to find myself looking down at the ground, crying to myself.

"p-princess?"

i wiped my tears and turned towards the door to my room to see jaemin walking towards me.

he put his arms out and wrapped them around my sitting body as he shushed me. one of his hands were on my back, rubbing it slowly, while the other one was holding the back of my head into his chest.

"hey hey princess," jaemin spoke softly, "i don't know what's wrong, but it's going to be okay."

jaemin continued trying to comfort me as i continued to let my tears run free. he didn't bother asking any questions and understood that i needed to let my emotions out.

once my crying stopped, jaemin backed up and cupped my cheeks, his thumbs wiping my tear stained face.

"very good," jaemin smiled, "i don't want to see you crying again princess. now- do you want to tell me what's wrong?"

i stayed quiet and just began staring at jaemin's face. his smile took away half the pain. his eyes that looked down at me took away half the pain. his soft voice took away half the pain.

however, i was still broken.

i stood up and was prepared to walk into my room, but noticed jaemin just standing still, staring at me, so i walked to him and took his hand as i pulled him into my room.
—
"this is the reason you were crying?" jaemin asked as i placed a box on my bed that was labeled "from seojun to aera."

i nodded.

"is seojun someone i should know about? don't tell me he's your ex. is he your ex?"

i nodded again.

i decided in the moment that if i wanted to have something more with jaemin, i needed to work on completely accepting the fact that i need to get over any feelings for seojun, starting with cleaning out the box he gave me.

"you .. still have feelings for him don't you?" jaemin asked.

the tone of voice jaemin used made my heart shatter. it wasn't the type of shattering when i heard jaemin's news from the doctor.

it was a type of shattering that someone would feel when the love of their life tells them "i don't love you anymore."

it wasn't the same type of shattering i felt when seojun and i broke up. jaemin and seojun are two completely different people that made me feel two completely different types of love.

i think jaemin's hurt made me come to a realization that i was lucky to experience my first love with seojun, but i'd be even luckier if i was able to make jaemin my last.