Awkward Teen Years Of My Life.

That one Christmas party

Obnoxious Christmas songs blared in the background, repulsive decorations on the ceilings, the wall, the mantelpiece ... it was as if someone had farted out Christmas. Everywhere you turned it was reds, green, and silver it was putrid.

There my brother (10) and I (12) stood side by side with family members crowded around us asking us to smile. Annoying camera flash in our eyes and we sighed in exasperation. Our mother had made us wear matching outfits. Beige pants, with black and white polka dot braces, a shirt and a Christmas sweater our grandmother knitted for us both.

"Why have you dressed our sons like that?!" We heard our dad complain whilst family members kept cooing at us.

"They are smartly dressed, I'm raising them to be well mannered gentlemen for their future wives!" Our mother replied.

The two tried to get along around this time of year, even when they weren't together they tried to put on an act in front of our family that they were friends for our sake. So as our parents had a disagreement over our outfits, Tarble and I managed to run off to get a break from all the annoying relatives. Especially the ones who made remark on how they used to change our diapers when we were babies. Why would anyone think that is a suitable thing to bring up at a party? What a way to traumatise a kid.

We hid in a closet after stealing a plate of cookies and a jug of juice that were left out on the table. We devoured the cookies and drank the juice. We had found pack of cards and played some games whilst the adults all got drunk and sang out of tune in the background. In fact, we both didn't want to leave from the closet as we enjoyed the peace from the annoying adults, that we even used the empty jug as a toilet. An hour later some bastard opened the closet door and saw us playing card games. They then called our father over who saw the jug that he believed was orange juice and lectured us for hiding the juice.

Tarble gulped and held out his hand to stop our father from carrying the jug away, "That isn't —"

I interrupted Tarble by nudging him in the arm, if our family found out we pissed in that thing then we'd be grounded for months and expected to do house chores without pocket money. I only hoped everyone was too drunk to notice.

"I'm needing to put this in the fridge now, it's gone warm!" Our father shook his head at us. "Will you both come out of the closet!"

Tarble and I sighed, we followed our father out and then watched him put the piss filled jug in the fridge.

So after more annoying pictures being taken of us, we were all sat at the table eating our dinner. The piss jug was passed around and we declined to have any. We remained silent as our family began to drink what they believed to be orange juice. Many spat it out whereas Nappa began to chug it down not sure what people were complaining about. Our father pulled a face at the offending liquid.

"I'm not buying that orange juice again, it tastes like piss!" Our father then rushed out the dinning room and we could hear him dry heave.

Tarble and I watched the horror scene unfold in front of us as people were eating the cranberry sauce and the stuffing in attempts to rid of the taste they had in their mouths.

After wards I convinced Tarble that I heard Santa inside the chimney. Tarble was excited and rushed over to the chimney.

"Do you think he's stuck big brother?" Tarble asked me with concern.

"Stick your head in and look." I suggested.

I burst out laughing as he done precisely that.

"Vegeta! I'm stuck!!" He cried.

"Yeah right, don't lie"

"I'm not lying! Help me, please help me!!" He cried.

I grumbled and started to pull him back, but his head was actually stuck up the bastard chimney. All our family were throwing up in the bathrooms, in the garden, in the sinks, wherever they could find somewhere to throw up.

"Shit!" I cussed as I kept trying to no avail. "Stay put!"

Tarble cried and with a little chuckle replied with "I have no other choice as I'm stuck you idiot!"

Well if he did... the cheek of him calling me an idiot considering he's the one with his head stuck inside a chimney. Anyway I ran back and forth with different food items to try help slick his head in hope it would slide out the chimney. I tried peanut butter, jelly, butter, liquid soap, gravy, cranberry sauce... none helped. It was that moment I felt sorry for my mother for she had to birth him and that large head of his. Tarble cried and I felt like shit for teasing him about Santa being there. How was I suppose to know he'd get his fucking head stuck? After many failed attempts to set him free I noticed a lever next to the chimney which it opened the chimney more freeing my brother. He was covered in all sorts he was a real mess, and he instantly hugged me whilst wiping his snot and tears on me.

"Thank you big brother, I was so scared!" He hugged me.

I looked at the shit that I put on him mixed with the soot from the chimney and the snots dripping out his nose was now smeared on my outfit. "Tarble, as glad as I am that you are okay... WILL YOU GET THE FUCK OFF ME?!"

Tarble parted from the hug and wiped his nose, "sorry I just.. I was scared.. and—"

"WHAT ON EARTH IS THIS?!" our mother screeched.

We both turned to face her, our outfits ruined and Tarble's head down to his shoulders covered in soot and the stuff I used to try help head him out around him too.

"Oh yes, definitely raising young gentlemen," one of our aunts sneered at her as she stood in shock.

What an interesting Christmas that was.