Night Shine

Confusion

Nicole's POV

I'm sitting at the Table with Jason and Carol having coffee. When Nikki and Courtney come into the kitchen. Nikki glances around at his children.

"If you're looking for Decker. He's still asleep upstairs with Taya and Bretta. They will probably sleep past noon." I inform him. I don't think he's come to terms with his son becoming a father yet.

"Everyone was concerned that they wouldn't bond for the term of the pregnancy." Carol smiles. I knew they would. It's just the way it is."

"Bond?" Nikki queries.

"Just like wild wolves the female wants the male near to help protect and feed her pups. The male wants his pups to survive and grow. They stay close and are affectionate with each other. Always cuddling, touching, sleeping together. In our case The mating Bond can turn in a marriage." She smiles wide.

I try to keep my sadness hidden during her explanation. I didn't realize how hard it was going to be to be near him. The claiming mark seems to ache sometimes. I've never been allowed to bond or love a mate so I always kept my heart to myself. The only love I've ever felt is for my children. I always knew someday I was going let Jason into my life. Nikki wasn't supposed to happen but when his lips first touched mine. The shield I'd always kept around my feelings cracked a bit. It's been slowly crumbling ever since. I wish Jason would claim me so I can claim him. He won't do it without Nikki's consent and he hasn't asked yet. It never seems to be the right time. Maybe afterwards mine and Nikki's mating bond won't be so strong. It might be instinct. But It doesn't make it hurt less. I just want the father of my pups to cuddle and hold me. I crave his affection. I push away from the table and rush out the door. Landing on all fours I take off for the lower trails that I know are guarded. I love Jason. Jason loves me why isn't it enough. I pant as I run. I've never felt anything like this before. I howl releasing these pent up new feelings the the only way I know how.  I scent a wolf coming up the trail. I relax it's Jason.

"Nicole." He calls. I slow to a stop with my head hanging low. He comes to my side and nuzzles my shoulder. "I know how you feel for him you can't hide it from me. I've known you to long."

"I'm sorry Jason." I whimper.

"There's nothing to be sorry for. I know you love me. I see it in your mind all the time." He soothes and curls up around me as I lay down.

"I don't want to hurt anyone." I yip and rest my head against his soft fur.

"You can't help your feelings for him." He touches my nose with his. "And I have no issue sharing your love with a man I consider a brother. If it wasn't for him stumbling into our lives I'd still be waiting to call you mate and you would have gone to Damon."

"I'm happy you are my mate too. I didn't realize how lonely I had been till I wasn't alone anymore." I sigh and cuddle closer.

"I know you've never felt the mating bond before, but it's natural. It's nature's way of ensuring a couple stays together to raise their pups." He nuzzles my cheek.

"I couldn't and I didn't mean to this time. I couldn't bond with every wolf I was bred to. It would have been to painful and caused to much unneeded tension in the packs." I cover my eyes with my paws.

"But it has happened this time and if our joined marriage with Nikki and Courtney is going to work. It has to be discussed before something happens that causes hurt feelings." He licks my muzzle gently.

Courtney's POV

Nikki is out on the porch waiting for Nicole's return. If Jason hadn't insisted that he go alone to talk to her. Nikki would have ran after her too. I'm jealous of the attention he gives her. Have they become lovers right under my nose. He hasn't made love to me since we came here. My heart aches. I woke the morning after the attack to find his arms around her. I pretended to still be asleep till she left the room I kissed him. I wanted him. He sniffed me and pulled away. I haven't tried since. Nicole didn't interrupt anything. Last night he was so restless and aroused. He left our bed. Did he go to her. I was to chicken to find out. I'm confused. She is so kind to me. Always trying to include me. Is it just a front.

I look over to see Carol studying me intently. She rests her chin on her hands.

"No it's not a front. She wouldn't do anything to hurt you. She wants you to be a sister. It wasn't a lack of love for you. You were fertile. He just didn't want to get you pregnant. If you want another child it should be planned around a safe pregnancy and delivery. He knows that." She stops and takes a drink of her coffee. I just stare at her in shock. I'm speechless.
"It's my gift as an Alpha female. I keep my Alpha mate in the know of any issues that might cause strife in the pack. He feels the emotions, but I know the whys." She gestures towards my husband. "He is feeling the pressure of the mating bond formed because Nicole is pregnant and their time of dependence after the crash. Trust me Nicole normally nips that right in the bud. She doesn't normally associate with the male for at least a week after the mating. Their circumstance didn't allow for that." She sighs and takes another drink.

"So it's partly hormonal?" I ask.

"Yes and instinct." She answers.

"It still hurts." I Whisper.

"They hurt too." She reminds me. They've been fighting their feelings tooth and Nail.
 
Nikki finally comes back in ending mine and Carol's conversation. He sits beside me and nuzzles my neck in greeting.

"Is my Mama here?" Nyx asks trying to remain calm. Behind her stands a man holding a whimpering child.

"I'm here." Nicole answers from behind them. She's completely naked. It doesn't stop her from examining the boy.
"Come with me." She guides the man to her small infirmary. Jason comes out of their room and drapes her robe around her. We follow into the living room. I can see the boy on the bed.
"What happened?" she asks.

"We stopped at a campsite. He wandered of to play. He was in wolf form. He stepped in a bear trap." The man explains his voice worried sounding.

"How long ago?" She questions as she feels the boy's arm.

"Two days ago." He answers.

"His arm was broke. It didn't heal right. I need to re-break it for it to heal correctly." She tells the father. "I need you to wait out here." She says softly.
"Jason I need you to tell Daniel to sleep." She asks. After that she closes the door so her and her daughter can work. It's around 20 minutes later when the door opens again. She lets the parents in to sit with their boy. She looks like she might faint. Nikki is immediately at her side helping her to a chair.

"You need to eat." Jason says and dashes for the Kitchen with Carol not far behind. He comes back with cold chicken. Nicole sits and nibbles at it.
"You should have called in one of your other daughters. You exhausted yourself." Jason grouches.

"I tried to have her guide me through, but she's stubborn." Nyx huffs.

Nicole barely gets to finish her chicken when an elderly woman comes through the door. The woman takes one look at her.

"You two boys put her to bed." She orders. "Make her sleep."

Nicole goes to argue but she sighs and gives in.

"I love you too Grandma." She mutters.